Two steps foward
by Em.Celle
Summary: 'I want to know how it went.' 'Be more vague why don't you.' Bo rolled her eyes, 'the tutoring session.' 'Seriously? You came knocking on my door at ridiculous o'clock in the morning, woke me up from sleep that I desperately need, insulted the state of my house, just so you could ask me how a tutoring session went' 'Well,' the brown eyed girl shrugged, 'yeah.'
1. Chapter 1

Cheating. Bo Dennis had got her here through cheating.

Last Tuesday night, exhausted and a little pissed off for more than one reason, Tamsin just wanted to sleep the night away. Well, after drowning her blood in scotch that she had stolen from Trick's private stash but that was nobody's business but her own. In fact, she had been in bed when Bo called her, inviting her to join the brunette and her overly whipped boyfriend to some over twenty one club that was opening in the next town. She'd wanted to say no, she almost did too. But then she remembered that Bo is sickeningly entitled and tends to take things to heart more than she should, she would have taken Tamsin's refusal personally and probably tried to get her back somehow. And she had way too many somehows for Tamsin to risk it. So she had taken her drunk self out of bed, washed her face and headed off to Bo's, drunk off her ass and exhausted as shit. It's honestly a miracle she hadn't gotten into an accident on the way.

The club as it turned out, wasn't all that bad. Bo's cousin, Vex, co owned it so they had no problem getting in or getting drinks. They'd been given relatively cool seats and it might or might not have happened, but Tamsin even recalls some hot chick giving her a lap dance. All in all, it had been a good night, well, what she recalls of it. After her second or sixth drink, Tamsin couldn't recall, they'd apparently played a drinking game which Tamsin had apparently lost to Bo and as the loser, she had to do whatever Bo wanted and Bo, it turns out, wanted Tamsin to take math lessons from the town nerd.

Hence the reason why Tamsin was standing in front of a white door staring at it with fury that could melt ice and cursing Bo Dennis and her cheating ways. Honestly, sometimes her life sucked.

...

She knocked once, then again after a few seconds, then went to knock a third time but stopped, she figured it might annoy the person inside.

''Who is it?'' A voice called from inside.

''Uh..Tamsin, Tamsin Sarksten, we talked on the phone.''

''Just a minute.''

There was silence for a few seconds then she heard the door being unbolted then...well, damn, Bo mentioned a whole lot of things about the nerd, but not once did she tell Tamsin that the girl was like, ridiculously hot.

She was wearing what, assuming television hadn't been lying to Tamsin since forever, was a lab coat over a white sundress, her hair in the messiest pony tail Tamsin had ever seen and sanitary gloves in on her hands, one of which she was busy removing.

''Hi, please, come in.'' She moved aside to let Tamsin into what might just have been the cleanest house she had ever been in, in her entire life.

''I'm sorry for the mess,'' the girl moved to pick books from a table, ''I wasn't expecting you till five.''

Tamsin wanted to ask what mess but the girl looked uncomfortable enough as it was so she just shrugged and removed her bag from her back, ''I managed to get off work early.''

This in itself was nothing short of a miracle. She had honestly expected Nadia to say no when she asked her if she wanted to switch shifts since the brunette had told her more than once that she's never going to work day shifts due to the shitty tips. So you can imagine her surprise when Nadia had jumped at the opportunity. Turns out her relationship is on the rocks so she needs to dedicate some time to it and since her partner is only at home during the night, day shifts was the way to go.

''Right,'' the blond girl nervously looked around the room, ''please have a seat.'' She motioned to the small dining table and Tamsin had to suppress a smile, this girl was too cute.

''So um... did you bring some material you'd like to go over or..?''

''No actually,'' Tamsin removed her book and calculator and frowned into her bag when she couldn't find her pen, she was sure she had put it in there, ''I'm gonna go with whatever you say.''

Damn it where is that pen, she thought only to be pulled from her thoughts and her bag by a chuckle. ''What?''

''Did you lose something?'' The girl asked, a smile playing on her lips and Tamsin just found that she couldn't be annoyed at her, ''yeah,'' she looked in her bag again, ''my pen, I'm sure I put it in here, but now I can't find it.''

''Here,'' she looked up to find a hand extending a white pen to her, ''you can use mine.''

''Oh, I, are you sure?'' The pen looked expensive.

''Yes I'm sure,'' there was that smile again. Tamsin placed her bag on the floor and took the pen, ''thanks.''

''You're welcome. Shall we begin?''

''Sure.''

...

''No, no no no. Please no,'' she mumbled into her pillow the next morning as the knocking on her door persisted.

She had only been sleeping for two hours after being on her feet the whole night and she desperately needed sleep if she was to go to anywhere near school.

The knocking stopped for a second and she almost believed the person on the other side of the door had taken a hint but then it started again with renewed strength and she sighed, she was going to kill that bitch one day.

Seriously.

''Stop knocking already bitch, I 'm coming. God!''

''Took you long enough.'' Was what Bo said when she opened the door.

''It's six in the fucking morning.'' She banged the door closed and winced when she felt something break. Mrs Perkins was definitely going to make her pay for whatever it is.

''Six thirty actually,'' the brunette said sitting daintily on Tamsin's only couch, ''and your place stinks.''

''Fuck you. The fuck do you even want?'' She asked as she headed for the fridge. Since clearly she wasn't going to get any more sleep, might as well get breakfast done with.

''I'm,'' the brunette frowned, ''what are you doing?''

''What are you, blind? Clearly, I'm drinking.''

''Beer.''

''Yeah.''

''At six in the morning?''

''Six thirty actually,'' Tamsin took a swig, ''I would offer you one but this is my last one and since your ass came here uninvited I'm not required to be hospitable.'' She took another swig. ''Anyway why are you here?''

Bo sighed and shook her head, she had known Tamsin for almost two months now, she knew when to not pursue a line of conversation.

''I want to know how it went.''

''Be more vague why don't you.''

Bo rolled her eyes, ''the tutoring session.''

''Seriously? You came knocking on my door at ridiculous o'clock in the morning, woke me up from sleep that I desperately need, insulted the state of my house, just so you could ask me how a tutoring session went?''

''Well,'' the brown eyed girl shrugged, ''yeah.''

''I could kill the fuck out of you right now, do you know that?'' Tamsin asked seriously.

''It was part of the deal Tamsin. ''

''Do I look like I give a shit?'' She threw her empty can in the overflowing garbage bin, she needed to get around to dumping that before it starts stinking up the whole place.

''No, you look like you need a shower and food. Go take the former then you and I will go grab the latter.''

She almost insulted her, she had like a thousand and then some insults just begging to be spat but she thought about it and decided not to. She did need some food in her, she hadn't eaten since breakfast the previous day and her ulcers will soon start developing ulcers. Plus it wasn't like she was adverse to talking about her tutoring session, it had gone rather well.

''Give me a minute, and don't mess with my stuff while I'm gone.''

Bo scrunched her nose in obvious disgust, ''not even if you paid me to.''


	2. Chapter 2

She brought the item of clothing to her nose, sniffed it, then frowned. It didn't smell clean enough to be worn again.

She has been telling herself for weeks that she should do her laundry before she completely ran out of clothes. But with work and school and now the tutoring there was just no time for it.

This was all Bo Dennis's fault, she didn't know how exactly, but it was.

''Tamsin, hurry up. Betty is going to be out of pie by the time we get there.''

Tamsin rolled her eyes.

To hell with it, she picked the top and sprayed some deodorant on it, whoever thought she smelled bad would be standing close enough to have themselves punched.

''Finally,'' Bo said sounding every bit like the suffering martyr, ''I honestly don't get how you take that long to look like a hobo.''

''Ha ha, you're a freaking riot, let's go.''

She picked her pills from the table, her keys, considered for a second taking the garbage but then reconsidered, she'd do that later.

''Come on Tamsin, I really want pie today.''

''Alright, God.''

...

In this small town that Tamsin found herself in, Betty's was the dinner that everyone frequented.

It had the whole small town vibe thing going. Everyone greeting everyone by name, the waitress, who was flirty as hell, knew everyone's order and everyone's business too.

Tamsin hated it.

'' Stop scowling, '' Bo chastised sipping on her coffee, ''that's just Betty being Betty.''

''And this is just me being annoyed. Is she trying to burn a hole in my head?''

Seriously, the woman had been staring at Tamsin since they entered the diner thirty minutes ago, it was starting to get on her already frayed nerves.

''Forget her. So...'' Bo said waving Tamsin previous comment off and staring at her expectantly.

The blond tilted her head and regarded the brunette with a hint of amusement and a whole lot of teasing in her eyes, ''I love how you're crazy enough to believe I have any idea what the fuck it is you're talking about.''

''The tutoring session Tamsin. Christ you can be so annoying.''

''And you can be such a nag, I told you, nothing special happened, I went there, she tutored me, I went to work.''

''First, you did not tell me that. Second, something must have happened.''

''Something like what?'' Tamsin was getting annoyed. She was honestly in no mood to deal with whatever it was Bo was trying to make her deal with right now.

''I don't know, just something.''

''Well nothing happened, unless you count me realizing that I know shit all about cosines and whatever else that other thing is as something then yeah, something happened a lot.''

''Really?'' Bo sounded deflated.

Tamsin didn't care. ''Yes really, God,'' she looked towards the kitchen, ''is that food coming from Rome on a snail, it's been forever since we ordered!''

''You can't be serious.''

''I actually am, it's been like twenty minutes since¬''

''I mean in regards to the tutoring session!'' Bo cut her off. Tamsin frowned.

''Who the fuck says in regards to during normal conversation? And what's your obsession with this damn tutoring thing?''

''I don't have an obsession with it, I just..'' she fidgeted a bit, ''I just think you should have told me that before I practically bought you half the food in Canada.''

''Uh..first of all, fuck you, second of all, you offered to buy me breakfast, no one put a gun on your head and forced you to and third, fuck you, again. Now where the hell is that woman with our food!''

...

She had a hangover, it was second period and she had a hangover. Also, she was going to vomit, which was Bo's fault for buying her food and no alcohol. Honestly, who does that?

''Miss Sarksten, are you okay?''

The teacher who no matter how hard she tried Tamsin couldn't for the life of her remember her name asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

''Uh,'' she cleared her throat, ''yeah, I'm fine.''

''Are you sure?''

What was it with people and nagging her?

''Yes.'' She said trying hard to keep the nausea down. She started drinking when she was ten, dealing with hangovers was almost like breathing to her.

She felt a weird taste in her mouth; but a little air couldn't hurt either.

She raised a hand, the teacher sighed, ''go.''

''Thank you.''

...

She had been standing on the hallway for almost five minutes, trying to decipher a poster that was hanging in front of her although she knew full well she was never going to ¬it was in Latin¬ while simultaneously dealing with her nausea the only way she knew how; ignoring it until it took a hint, when she saw her walking down the hallway.

Should I smile? Would it be weird if I smi¬ ''Tamsin, Hi.''

''Uh, hello, I mean, Hi. Hello.''

It was the hangover talking, honest.

Lauren smile, her brown eyes shining and her hair looking like Tamsin never thought hair could look.

''Are you okay?''

''Yeah,'' she shrugged, ''just a little hangover but that's nothing.''

That sounded totally badass. Totally. Right?

''Oh, I have something that could help with that,'' she reached into her bag and produced a banana, ''here.''

''A banana.'' Tamsin deadpanned.

''Well, it has vitamin B6 which contains¬'' she seemed to suddenly realize what she was doing and smiled sheepishly, ''it's good for you, believe me. Also you should drink some water.''

''Okay, thanks.''

''No problem. So,'' she adjusted her bag, ''will you still be coming this afternoon or would you like to sleep off your hangover. That helps too.''

''No, no. This will have passed by then, I'll be there. Is four okay with you?''

Lauren nodded and gave Tamsin that smile that lit up her eyes again, '' Four is fine. I'll see you then.''

Tamsin watched her go and for some reason, she just couldn't stop smiling.

...

Since Lauren wasn't expecting her till four and she had gym class as her last period, Tamsin decided to skip and maybe grab some sleep before heading out to Lauren's. She had just gotten under the sheets when she heard a knock on her door.

''Kill me, kill me please.''

''Tamsin, I know you're in there. Open up.'' Bo yelled from the other side of the door. Tamsin practically stormed to the door, cursing all the way.

''Are you on some mission to make sure I get no sleep today?''

''Don't be melodramatic.'' Bo said with a roll of her eyes as she walked right past Tamsin and into the two roomed house.

''By all means, come right the fuck in.'' She banged the door closed. Something cracked, God, Mrs Perkins was going to be pissed as hell.

''Why are you even here? I thought you weren't the type to skip.''

She asked the brunette who was already comfortably seated on Tamsin's couch.

''I heard you were sick, so as your friend and only person who gives a shit about you in this town, I decided to come make sure you're not drowning in your own vomit. You're welcome.''

''This isn't my first rodeo, Bo.'' She said as she made her way to the fridge before she recalled that it had practically nothing in the morning and unless some elves or whatever had come and stocked it with food and beer while she'd been away, it probably still had nothing.

She sighed, whether it was from exasperation that Bo just wouldn't let her get some bloody sleep today or from suddenly realizing she was so hungry she could cry, she didn't know.

''Besides, I already drank a shit tone of water and Lauren gave me a banana earlier. She said it will help me somehow. Now if only you'd let me sleep, I'm pretty sure I'll be fine in no time.''

Bo suddenly looked more alert, ''exchanging hangover remedies already? I'm impressed.'' She said her voice sounding anything but.

Tamsin frowned, ''what's your deal with Lauren Lewis?''

''What do you mean?'' She fidgeted.

''Why do you hate her so much?''

''I don't hate Lauren Lewis, I just don't care much for her existence.''

The blond in the room raised a brow, ''really? Is that why you talk about her after like, every fifteen seconds?''

''I...you know what, fuck this, I have places to be.''

She sounded upset and Tamsin almost cared enough to stop her from walking out the door so they could talk about it, there was more to this than Bo was letting on and Tamsin wanted to get to the bottom of it. But then she remembered her interrupted sleep and she decided to let her walk out.

There's always later.

...

Later turned out to be an hour later in Lauren's kitchen that resembled some sort of detergent and bleach commercial set.

They'd been going through some mathematical concept or the other ¬the drum playing gorillas in Tamsin's head didn't allow her enough concentration power to be certain¬ when it slipped out of her mouth, ''what's up with you and Bo.''

For a moment, Lauren looked like she wasn't breathing and Tamsin almost slapped herself.

Honestly, her absolute lack of tact even took her by surprise sometimes.

''Bo?''

''Yeah, Bo Dennis, she's kind of obsessed with you.''

There was utter silence for a minute and Tamsin felt herself tensing.

''I'm sorry I just¬''

''Are you friends with her?''

Well, she'd never been asked that before. Was Bo Dennis her friend?

A month ago she would have said no. She honestly just started speaking to the girl because she was the obvious queen bee in town. Her father practically owned half the businesses in the place and her mother was one of the people who were important for no apparent reason. It also didn't hurt none that the girl's grandfather owned the biggest bar in town, a bar in which Tamsin had asked for a job. Really, it was more than convenient to affiliate herself with the brunette.

But now, now she kind of genuinely liked Bo. When she wasn't cheating in drinking games or knocking on Tamsin's door when the blond needed sleep or being an entitled little bitch, she was okay.

''Yeah,'' she nodded, '' I am.''

Turns out, that wasn't the smartest thing to say.

''Is this whole thing some sort of trick? Are you two trying to trick me because I'll have you know¬''

Okay, uh, the fuck?

''Lauren.'' She said to catch the other girl's attention, ''I have no idea what you're talking about. Honest. Look, let's just forget I said anything, okay?''

Lauren let out a small breath and nodded.

Tamsin smiled ,a little nervously and a lot had just stumbled onto her first rule of getting along with Lauren Lewis; do not, under any circumstances, mention Bo Dennis.


	3. Chapter 3

''So,'' Tamsin placed her books neatly in her bag although she didn't know why, she'd never really been one for neatness, ''are you going to Bo's party?''

Lauren kept pouring juice into the two glasses in front of her and for a moment Tamsin thought she was going to ignore her. Over the past five weeks she had learnt quiet a lot of things, one of them being that Lauren Lewis had a tendency of pretending not to have heard questions that she did not feel like answering.

''No.'' She placed the jug on the island.

They had reached an unspoken agreement some day, neither of them knew when, that Bo could be brought up as long as the context by which she was mentioned did not imply that she and Lauren had any sort of relationship.

(It was a crazily complicated thing, being friends with Lauren Lewis, maybe that's why Tamsin liked it so much.)

''Okay. Just seems like the whole town is going.''

''I'm not the whole town though, '' she said a cheeky smile making way to her lips, ''cookies?''

Tamsin had to smile, ''please.''

''Are _you_ going?'' Lauren asked, making her way to the table.

Tamsin was a little surprised at the question. Usually when it came to Bo, she asked the questions and Lauren gave vague answers or sometimes gave no answer at all. She'd never outright asked anything concerning Bo.

''Yeah, she's my friend.'' Also, Tamsin had spent the better part of her previous weekend helping Bo search for the perfect dress all around town as her whipped boyfriend followed them around like some annoying puppy. Tamsin had made Bo promise to supply her with unlimited alcohol on the night of her birthday and there was no way Tamsin was going to slack on collecting.

''I'm sure you're going to have a lot of fun. Bo's birthdays are usually a really big affair in town.''

Tamsin was intrigued but this was the most Lauren had ever spoken of Bo and Tamsin didn't want to mess things up now. She was already convinced that there was a whole of a lot of history between Bo and Lauren and although she had decided she was never going to go digging for it, she wasn't going to turn away when it presented itself.

''Yeah? I thought it was only this year that it's a big affair since she's turning eighteen and all.''

Seriously, Tamsin had never in her life seen so many preparations being done for a person's birthday before. At some point during the week she'd even asked Bo if she was sure she wasn't getting married instead of having a birthday. Bo had just smiled and told her it's not everyday that a girl becomes an adult, 'you should know, you went through this.'

That's the thing though, Tamsin didn't know. She'd been an adult since sixteen when she'd emancipated herself from her alcoholic mom and his stupid abusive brute of a husband. In fact if memory serves her right, she'd been in hospital getting stitches on her eighteenth birthday after fighting a man twice her size because he had groped her ass. But Bo didn't need to know that, such things didn't exist in her world.

''No, this year is just the biggest so far, the previous ones were pretty big too. Like her twelfth for example, they brought this ladies from the zoo and so many animals and they had candy machines and a live performance by some pop star with a stupid name and a stupider haircut... '' She smiled, her whole face lighting up so bright Tamsin actually felt the room getting warmer. Then slowly it melted away and she sighed, ''it was a lot of fun.''

''you were there?''

So Bo and Lauren had been friends once. Tamsin couldn't say she was very surprised.

'' I didn't say that.''

''But you didn't deny it either.'' Tamsin couldn't help the bit of smugness in her voice.

''Eat your cookies, Tamsin.'' And Tamsin knew they weren't going to pursue that conversation anymore.

''So what will you be doing while the whole town is celebrating Bo Dennis's eighteenth birthday?''

She shrugged, ''experiments. Or maybe I'll be asleep. I plan on spending the whole of tomorrow night watching Sherlock since my father will be out of town so maybe I'll compensate for tomorrow's sleep on Sunday.''

''Sounds lonely.''

She shrugged again.

''I could...come over, if you like. Cause you know, we're friends and friends don't let friends watch Sherlock alone so...I could come over. If you'd like me to, of course.''

Where the hell did that come from!? Honestly sometimes Tamsin wished she could divorce her mouth. Really.

''I'd love that.'' There was a smile playing on her lips and her eyes were twinkling with mirth and Tamsin couldn't help but smile back.

Sometimes she really liked her mouth. Really.

...

She looked at herself in the mirror and frowned a little. The shirt still looked creased, even after she'd spent like twenty hours ironing it. She smoothed it with her palms then practically growled when the creases still showed. The thing is, she wanted to look nice. Not like all made up or anything, just nice. Today was the first time she and Lauren were doing a 'friends' kinda thing and although she didn't know why it felt like such a big deal to her it still did and she wanted to look nice for it.

''Tamsin,'' Bo called her as she barged into the house and walked straight to the bedroom.

She scowled, ''how did you get in here?''

''Through the roof, did you not see me fall in?'' the brunette deadpanned.

''Fuck you,'' Tamsin returned her attention to the mirror, ''this isn't a church, you don't just walk in.''

''Whatever,'' Bo slumped on the bed, ''I have a huge problem.''

''Judging by your tone I assume you think I care.''

''Will you quit being a bitch for a second, I'm being serious.''

''So am I.'' She turned around, ''can you see creases on this shirt?''

''Only like one million of them. Haven't you ever heard of an iron box?''

''Fuck off. What's your emergency anyway.''

''My dress,'' Bo whined like she had just remembered that she had a predicament, ''it's ruined.''

Tamsin arched a brow, ''therefore you came to me, Tamsin the great dressmaker, to get it fixed?''

''Tamsin!''

''What, it's a genuine question.'' She chuckled.

''Just finish whatever it is your doing so we can go get another before stores close.''

''I can't,'' she shrugged and removed the shirt. She had to have another clean one that didn't have creases somewhere around here.

''What do you mean you can't?''

She rolled her eyes, ''it's a two word sentence, figure it out. And also, move your ass, I need to find a clean creaseless top.''

''Why?'' The brunette asked incredulously.

''To cover my nakedness.'' She answered simply, ''God, do I honestly have no cool, creaseless...'' her eyes landed on a blue one that she hadn't worn in a while. It was clean and creaseless. Not as cool as the one she'd had on but it would have to do.

''to cover your...what's going on here,'' Bo's eyes widened, ''are you going on a date?''

''I'm not sure whether or not to be offended that that thought surprises you, but no, I'm not going on a date. I'm going to Lauren's for a movie night.''

She looked at herself again and nodded in satisfaction. Not too bad.

''Bo?'' the brunette had been quiet for too long.

''Are you guys dating?'' her voice sounded odd to Tamsin's ear.

The blond rolled her eyes and started scanning her room for her bag, she really has to start being more organized. Seriously.

''What part of I'm not going on a date did you not comprehend?''

''So what, the two of you are _girlfriends _now?'' she asked in her bitchy voice that Tamsin had only heard her use once on some guy in her grandfather's bar.

''The fuck crawled up yours and died? I thought you were over the whole Lauren hate thing.''

Bo rolled her eyes, ''I told you, I don't hate her.''

''Then what's with the bitch act?''

''Nothing, it's just,'' she stood up, ''you're one of my best friends now. I mean, next to Dyson, You're the person I spend most time with. You're part of my world and if you and she get close, then she's going to be part of your world and this is a small town, Tam. If she's part of your world and your part of my world then _they're_ part of my world and I just...''

''You just what? What happened between the two of you that made you hate each other so much?''

''I don't hate her.'' She said quietly, her voice sounding more sincere than Tamsin had ever heard it sound. ''Just, don't go out with her,'' now she sounded on the verge of crying, ''anyone but her. Please.''

''Bo¬''

''I need to go.''

Then she practically bolted.


	4. Chapter 4

AN; First of all, Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and following and favoriting. just, thank you.

Some people have asked for me to specify a ship. I will, but not just yet.

I don't own lost girl. obviously.

* * *

><p>She felt guilty for feeling so excited standing here. Then she felt stupid for feeling guilty because judging by the exit she'd made and the fact that she wasn't answering her texts; Bo clearly needed some space.<p>

She let out a soft breath, things were getting too complicated too fast and she had a feeling deep down that it was only going to get worse. She had seen something that Bo clearly tried very hard to hide come to surface tonight and she knew that something had shifted.

She knew it.

What worried her though, is through all this confusion and guilt, she still found a way to be more excited to watch Sherlock with Lauren than she had been over anything in a really long time. That alone, even without factoring in all the other things that were happening, told her she had a problem.

And not a small one either.

The door opened startling her from her thoughts. Lauren stood before her a teasing smile on her face, looking impossibly cute in pyjamas that had pies and numbers drawn all over it.

''You've been standing out here for close to ten minutes.'' She informed Tamsin in a voice laced with amusement.

''I..I was texting someone.'' She lied not so smoothly. Lauren just shook her head and stood aside to let her pass.

She started peeling off her jacket, ''I'm sorry I'm late, something came up and I had to sort it out first before coming.''

''It's no problem,'' Lauren took her jacket from her, ''I hope you don't mind watching the series on my laptop. My father has a deep dislike for television, we've never had a set.'' She said pouting so adorably Tamsin found herself biting her lip so as not to smile.

''I don't mind.''

She followed the shorter blond as she led them to her bedroom. This was the first time Tamsin had ever been anywhere in Lauren's house other than the kitchen area. It was just as you'd expect it to be, intensely clean.

''So I um, I bought some snacks,'' she said nervously as she opened the door to what Tamsin assumed was her bedroom.

Uh, okay. When she said, 'some' snacks, Lauren seemingly meant the town's whole supply of snacks. Her bed was covered with snacks of every kind.

''Wow, that's... a lot of snacks.''

Lauren just stood there, shifting her weight from one leg to another, looking a bit uncomfortable,then she sighed.

''The thing is,I didn't know what you liked so I thought maybe I should buy what I like and maybe you would like it too, but then I realized tortillas weren't for everyone and what if you were a potato chips kind of girl? So I bought those too, in every flavor since it would have been unfair to buy you your favorite snack but not your favorite flavor of it. Then it occurred to me that maybe you were traditional and what's the traditional movie watching snack, popcorn, so I had to get them you see. Then I remembered that you really liked Oreo so I bought them, and other cookies too, just to be safe. That left me with drinks which was pretty simple because well, coca cola. Then I bought Pepsi too,just in case.'' She took a deep breath and smiled weakly.

Tamsin blinked, then blinked again; it took will power that she did not know she had not to attack Lauren's lips right then and there.

She was sure it's illegal to kiss someone without their consent.

...

When Lauren said that she was going to spend the night watching Sherlock, she meant that she was going to spend the night watching Sherlock.

After they had both chosen their snack of choice (Lauren went with Tortillas and Tamsin chose a packet of cookies whose name she couldn't pronounce but looked delicious enough) they had gotten comfortable under Lauren's sheets that smelled like the blond (a mixture of vanilla and honey and something else Tamsin couldn't place yet) surrounded by snacks, and Lauren had started the movie.

''Comfy?'' she asked Tamsin sweetly, her brown eyes soft and excited at the same time. Tamsin could only nod, that feeling that told her things were moving in a dangerous direction bubbling in her,only to be shot down by a feeling of delicious warmth, spreading all over her body right down to her toes.

''Good.'' Lauren grinned at turned to her laptop. Tamsin smiled, good indeed.

That 'good' was the last word Lauren had said to Tamsin for when she got immersed in the movie, there was clearly no way of getting to her. Tamsin could practically see her trying to think the way Sherlock was thinking. Her brown eyes were intensely concentrated and for a moment, Tamsin wished she could see just how the fascinating mind of Lauren Lewis worked. Even just a peek.

''That can't be scientifically accurate.'' Tamsin heard her mumble and she smiled and munched on her cookies.

Being friends with Lauren Lewis was pretty darn amazing.

...

''Tamsin. Tamsin wake up.'' A voice called her softly.

''No,'' she mumbled.

She heard a soft laugh, ''come on Tamsin, it's morning.''

''Don' care.''

''Don't make me pour water on you.''

Whoever it was that was waking her up shook her. Tamsin's sleepy mind wondered if whoever it was had some sort of death wish.

''Stop that.'' She was half awake now.

''Not until you wake up.''

''Fine, Jesus.'' She opened her eyes ready to kill whoever it was when she was met with Laure's laughing eyes.

''Lauren?''

''Finally!''

''What,'' she sat up and memories of a ridiculous amount of snacks and Lauren's ability to scientifically explain everything came back to her. She smiled, ''morning Sherlock.''

Lauren raised a brow, ''Sherlock?''

Tamsin nodded. They both had that hot nerdy thing going on. Not that she was going to tell Lauren that though.

''What time did we sleep?'' She asked rubbing her eyes and wondering how the room was so clean already.

''I slept at four. You on the other hand were out cold even before Sherlock died.''

Tamsin's eyes widened, ''he died?''

Lauren chuckled. ''Yes and no. It's a long story. Do you have anywhere to be this morning?''

''Yeah, work. I have to take the nine to three shift so I can have the afternoon off.''

So she could attend the party. God, just thinking of Bo or anything related to her brought her mood down a notch.

When had things started tangling themselves up like bitchy earphones?

''Well it's only seven now so you still have time to freshen up and come have breakfast with me. I made pancakes.''

Tamsin's eyes widened. The last time she had had homemade pancakes was seven years ago and she had stolen them.

''You're not like, messing with my mind or anything right? Cause that would be plain mean.''

''I never joke about pancakes Tamsin.'' Lauren said trying to be serious and failing badly. ''bathroom's first door to the left, I put a fresh towel and a toothbrush for you on the counter. Oh and don't use the toothpaste in the green tube labelled toothpaste, it's not toothpaste. And hurry, I hate cold pancakes.''

...

Breakfast with Lauren was quiet and more peaceful than anything Tamsin had ever experienced. They ate as Lauren read some magazine on medicine and Tamsin perused the newspaper. She only liked the sports and entertainment part.

Then they had coffee and Lauren talked a little about her experiments. Tamsin managed to make her promise to one day let her in on one. Lauren had laughed when saying yes. For some reason that made Tamsin feel accomplished.

When it was time to head home and change then rush to work, Tamsin really didn't want to go. Spending time with Lauren had put her on some sort of high for a reason unknown to her and she just knew that once she stepped into the world, that high would somehow be taken away and she really didn't want to part with it.

''I'll see you Monday .'' Lauren said softly as if reading Tamsin's mind.

''Yeah. Good luck in your experiments.''

''Thanks. Have fun at the party.''

...

Tamsin had been right, by the time two rolled by, her high was practically nonexistent.

Between having to deal with drunk people while she was sober and listening to Nadia bitch over how ungrateful her partner was, she had lost almost all her sanity.

''I'm off.'' She informed Nadia who was busy wiping glasses and still bitching about her ex to herself.

The curly haired girl frowned, ''you're done?''

''Yeah.'' They had divided closing duties amongst themselves; Trick had had most of the chairs shipped to the venue of Bo's party, so they were closing early today. Tamsin's duty had been to count the money and calculate the days profits she'd done it within half an hour.

''How?'' Nadia seemed genuinely surprised.

Tamsin shrugged, ''I take math lessons from a genius.''

...

When she arrived at Bo's party two hours later not only did she have no high at all, but she was also nervous as all actual fucks.

They hadn't spoken since Bo had pulled a Usain Bolt on Tamsin, not even a single text and Tamsin was a little wary of how things will play out.

This was Bo after all, you never really knew with her.

''You came.'' Speak of the devil.

Tamsin managed a weak, nervous smile ''I was invited.''

Bo smiled back. ''Yeah you were. I'm really glad you're here.''

''of course I'm here. You owe me unlimited amount of alcohol.''

Bo laughed and grabbed Tamsin's hand, ''let's go then.''

...

She was on the border of tipsy and wasted, leaning more towards wasted if the number of times she had stumbled on these stairs was to be taken into account.

Bo's party was amazing. Good food, good booze, hella annoying people. What? It was amazing, not perfect.

Speaking of Bo, she was a bitch and Tamsin was going to tell her to her face the next time she saw her. Who leaves their best friend alone during a party for four hours to go God knows where? Also, how was Tamsin supposed to tell which one of the a million and one doors in front of her was the washroom? Honestly, did Bo have to live in a freaking mansion? Why couldn't she live in a cozy comfy house, like Lauren's for example.

Now that was a nice house.

Fuck she needed to pee.

''ennie, minnie,minny...urgh fuck this¬'' she pushed a door open hoping against hope that it was a washroom and there was Bo, seated on a bed, holding a bottle of jack and crying her eyes out.

Right. This definitely wasn't the washroom.


	5. Chapter 5

For a moment, she contemplated turning back and proceeding with her hunt for a washroom.

She was one of those people who were just naturally horrible at dealing with emotional situations, and that was when she was sober. She doubted she'd be any good at it now, drunk and harbouring an almost bursting bladder.

But she had never seen Bo look so broken in all the months she'd known her and to make matters worse, it was her birthday. She sighed, this is what she got for forming friendships; a freaking conscious.

''Bo..'' she called softly.

The brunette looked up, her eyes blood shot and her makeup that had looked so impeccable before all ruined, ''Tamsin,'' she frowned, ''what are you doing here? Did mother send you? Cause if she did you can go back down there and tell her to fuck herself. I'm in no mood to mingle.''

Tamsin shut the door behind her and took a seat on the bed next to Bo. Maybe sitting would make her forget she was pressed.

''Do I look like FedEx to you? Go tell her yourself.''

''So she did send you? God,'' she scoffed, ''that is just classic mother. Never allows me a moment to myself. '' she wiped her tears away furiously and drunk some more jack.

''You've been missing from your party for like four hours, Bo.

''Still doesn't give her the right to watch over me like a crow. Go tell her I'm not coming.''

''The fuck would I do that?''

Bo's red eyes eyed her curiously, ''because she sent you. She'll be expecting either me or an explanation for my absence.''

''Who said she sent me?''

''Wait,'' she shook her head as if to clear it of fog, ''mother didn't send you?''

''No.''

''Then what's the point of the conversation we've been having for the past few minutes?''

''Well, you looked like you needed to bitch so I was trying to be a good friend by contributing to the conversation while at the same time trying to convince my bladder that now isn't the best time to burst.''

Bo just stared at her like she didn't know what to do with her then she shook her head and drunk what was left of her drink, ''you can be so strange sometimes.''

Tamsin shrugged.

The room fell into silence. They could hear people talking and laughing outside while music played on softly.

''Your party is great.'' Tamsin said genuinely.

''I guess.'' She shrugged.

''You guess?''

''I would forfeit it all in a heartbeat if it meant I got just one phone call from her.''

Tamsin was pretty certain her guess on who her was was spot on.

''This is the first time in six years that she hasn't celebrated my birthday with me. I just...I'd convinced myself that she'll call. I kept looking at my phone today, willing her to call me but...'' she gave a defeated little sigh. ''I just miss her so much and she won't even pick my calls anymore and,'' she wiped away the tears that had started spilling again, ''today was my last hope. She's big on birthdays and the fact that she didn't call me today shows she's completely done with me and that thought makes me feel like dying.''

Tamsin didn't know what to say. She had a feeling at that moment that she couldn't explain. She felt bad for Bo, she did. But she also felt something else. Something that she couldn't define but it was there and it was strong.

''I messed things up so bad, Tamsin.''

''Have you tried apologizing?'' she asked, feeling like something had wrapped itself around her neck and was chocking her

''She doesn't want an apology from me. She wants me to grow a back bone, she wants me to make promises and keep them.''

''Then why don't you?''

The brunette shook her head, ''I'm not brave enough yet. I'm not and she's grown tired of waiting for me to be.''

''Are you ever going to tell me the whole deal between you and Lauren, I mean a few weeks ago she was your enemy number one. Now here you are, crying for her'' there was that feeling again. Like she wanted to smash a couple hundred glasses on a wall.

Bo smiled sadly ''I will, just not today.'' She stood up, ''the next door to the right is a guest washroom. You can use it. I need to change for the second part of the party before mother does send someone to come looking for me.'' She started walking towards the door then stopped and turned to Tamsin, a small smile, half sad half thankful, on her lips, ''thank you. You're a great friend''

She said sincerely.

Tamsin nodded though she really didn't feel like one at that moment.

...

It was past ten when she said goodbye to Bo and left for home. She was drunk and exhausted and that stupid feeling that she couldn't adequately describe had only grown stronger as time went by. Every time she thought back on her conversation with Bo, she felt like crying, or hitting something, or hitting something while crying.

She let herself into her house and slumped ungraciously on her couch. It was pissing her off that she felt like this and didn't know why.

''Fuck!'' She growled and face palmed. She had to distract herself before she goes crazy. She fished her phone from her jeans pocket and dialled the first number that came to mind.

''_Hello.''_

Suddenly it didn't seem like such a brilliant idea to call someone at ten in the night.

''I'm sorry, did I wake you?''

''_Tamsin?''_

''Yeah, it's me. I know it's late but I... I just wanted to talk to you.''

''_It's okay. Is everything alright?''_

''Everything's fine.'' That didn't sound convincing even to her own ears. ''

''_Good. You'll never guess what I did today.''_

'' An experiment?''

There was silence from the other side of the line and Tamsin felt a smile creeping onto her face.

''_Lucky guess. But you'll never guess which experiment.'' Her voice sounded smug._

''You made a volcano.''

''_How¬ how did you know that? Have you being spying on me?'' She asked seriously._

Tamsin let out a laugh.

''Maybe.''

Actually Lauren had told her about it in the morning. It seemed she had forgotten and Tamsin was having too much fun to remind her.

''_it's for one of my father's patients. He's ten and has been asking me for one for a while now. I hope he'll like it.''_

''I'm sure he will.'' She said sincerely.

Someone called Lauren's name,

''_I have to go help my father with something. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay.''_

''Okay. Thanks for staying on the phone with me although I called so late.''

''_You're welcome. See you tomorrow.''_

''See you tomorrow.''

She ended the call and placed the phone on her chest, a smile playing on her lips. That feeling, the one she had been eating away at her insides for hours, it was gone.

...

It had been almost four weeks since Bo's birthday and anyone with half a brain could sense that the order of things had shifted.

Bo was still Bo; bitchy when she wanted to be, sweet when it suited her and entitled as hell. at the same time though, if someone looked closer, she wasn't Bo at all. She had an air of vulnerability and sadness around her that hadn't been so prevalent before and for some reason, it made Tamsin's shoulders feel a little heavier. Like somehow, it was her fault that the brunette was down.

They still hang out and Bo still thought Tamsin's house was a church and she could come and go as she pleased. But the asking about Lauren after every hour had stopped. She acted like that night in her room hadn't happened at all and Tamsin let her. If Bo wanted to talk about it, they would, if not then that was her business. Tamsin had her hands full with other things anyway.

By other things, she meant the complete and utter havoc Lauren was raging on her feelings.

She couldn't as much as look at the girl anymore without feeling things she didn't understand. Feeling like her whole entire being was coming completely unravelled.

It was sudden and confusing and it wasn't making Tamsin's already complicated life any easier.

...

''Could you ask Lauren to meet me so we can talk? Please? She won't pick my calls and you guys are friends anyway, so you might be able to convince her.''

They were having lunch at Betty's, exactly a month after Bo's birthday and or breakdown, when Bo pleadingly made her request. Before Bo's request, Tamsin had been enjoying the meal. She doubted that she would anymore. For some reason, she felt sick in the stomach.

''You want to talk with her?'' She asked more out of needing to say something than wanting to know.

''Yes. I just, I realized she isn't going to wait for me forever. I'm not as brave as she needs me to be yet but I'm ready to fight for her. I'll even fight my own cowardice if I have to. I just need to know that she still _wants_ me to fight for her. I need to hear her say it.''

Tamsin was going to be sick. Either that or murder someone.

''So, will you?'' Bo asked, ''talk to her for me I mean.''

''I am not her freaking parent Bo, I don't have any influence over her. There's no telling she'll talk to you just because I ask her to.'' She sounded harsher than she intended.

''I know that. I do. If she doesn't say yes then cool, I'll find another way. Just please try. It doesn't even have to be today or tomorrow. Come on Tamsin, for your best friend.''

''Whatever, fine. I'll try.''

''Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll totally owe you one.''

...

''Are you okay?'' Lauren asked, taking her eyes away from the movie for a second.

''Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.''

''Really? Because you haven't even finished one cookie. Usually you eat like three packets before the movie is even halfway.''

They were watching a movie later that same night. It had become their thing now, watching movies together on Sundays which was Tamsin's off day. Lauren still hadn't gotten the art of buying just enough snacks down yet. Tamsin teased her about it endlessly. Not tonight though, tonight she had her conversation with Bo playing over and over in her mind. It was making her angry then that made her angry because she didn't know why she was angry to begin with.

It was all messed up. But she wouldn't let Lauren see that.

''Are you insinuating something?'' she asked with a faux gasp.

Lauren shrugged, her cheeky smile, in place.

''You can be so mean sometimes.'' Tamsin said, unable to hold back her laugh.

''being honest and being mean are two different things.''

''Whatever. I just like cookies.''

''Yet surprisingly, you're not gobbling them up today.''

Tamsin smiled softly, not even knowing she was doing it or why, ''I'm fine. Really. Just not that hungry.''

''Speaking of food,'' Lauren suddenly perked up, ''would you like to have dinner with my father and I this coming Saturday? He wants to meet the famous Tamsin.''

''Famous huh?'' she couldn't resist teasing her. It was too cute when she blushed.

''Shut up,'' Lauren said shyly. ''So, will you come?''

''Of course.'' She said without missing a beat, it made Lauren smile before turning back to the movie.

Tamsin thought of Bo and her faith in her ¬her best friend¬ getting Lauren to talk to her, then she looked at Lauren, all excited and beautiful and more perfect than one human being should be allowed to be, and she had no idea what to feel.

None at all.


	6. Chapter 6

Have I said thank you to all of you for being amazing? If I haven't, then thank you.

disclaimer; I don't own lost girl.

* * *

><p>Something had to give. Something had to fucking give before Tamsin lost all her shit.<p>

''Tamsin,''

''What?'' she snapped, concentrating on the drink she was mixing.

''You need to calm down.'' Nadia whispered.

''And you need to back the fuck off.'' She slammed the drink in front of a bearded man who was one pervy look away from getting himself punched.

Someone snapped their fingers to get her attention, Tamsin turned towards them, poison in her eyes.

''Snap those hideous things at me just more time, I beg you.'' She snarled.

The girl backed up a little, clearly scared.

Tamsin was about to say something else when she felt herself being pulled by the elbow.

''What's your problem?'' Nadia sounded pissed and concerned in equal measures.

''Other than you not getting the concept of backing the fuck off?''

''I'll back off when you stop being rude to customers! God Tamsin, have you completely lost it?''

Tamsin ran her hands through her hair. It was a good question, one she too wanted the answer to. Things were just constantly running through her mind, feelings that she didn't understand and was scared to try understanding were keeping her up at night. She just needed things to calm down for a moment so she could fucking think. But they wouldn't and it was messing with her head.

''I know we're not close but, you can talk to me Tamsin.'' Nadia's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

She sighed, ''I'm fine.''

''T¬''

''I said I'm fine, okay. Let it go.''

...

She left the bar a few minutes past ten. Business had been doing well for Trick for some time now and he had finally decided to hire another girl to work during the day so that Tamsin and Nadia could share the night traffic. It was a good arrangement. Nadia was pretty cool to work with and during school nights she even let Tamsin take the first part of the night so that she could squeeze in a few hours of sleep. Also, having someone to help deal with the occasional sleaze bags wasn't something Tamsin was complaining about. Honestly, she really liked this new arrangement.

Just not tonight.

Tonight, she had felt suffocated. Nadia, the customers, the Irish music that she couldn't stand; they were all just sucking the air out of her, leaving her with nothing.

If Nadia hadn't forced her to head home, tired of her attitude, Tamsin probably would have killed someone tonight. It would most likely have been the girl with the snappy fingers.

She took a large sniff of her cigarette and closed her eyes as she felt it course through her lungs. The last time she'd had a cigarette she was ten. They were her mother's husband's expensive ones. The man never had a cent to spare for basic necessities but he could afford Italian cigarettes. He was so pissed when he found out she had smoked them. Tamsin actually believed that that was the day his blows to the head would finally kill her.

She threw the unfinished stick to the ground and crushed it with her boot. She hated thinking about her past. Nothing good ever came from it.

She sighed, things were just getting more complicated by the day and complications were the last thing she needed. She'd had enough of them to last her a lifetime.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, a message; Lauren.

''_Hey, I just want to tell you that dinner will be at seven. My dad is really excited to meet you. Good night, and please don't hit any drunkards at the bar. It's bad for business.''_

She found herself laughing at the text. The hitting drunkards thing was a little inside joke of theirs. Tamsin was always complaining about how she sometimes the customers made her so mad she could hit them and Lauren always told her that she shouldn't, it was bad for business.

She shook her at Lauren's sneaky sense of humour. Some things were definitely worth having a complicated life for.

...

For all the stressing out she had gone over it, Tamsin was really surprised when Saturday dawned on like any other day. The weight on her shoulders and the annoying knot in her stomach were still present when she woke up, just like they'd been for the past few weeks. Mrs Perkins's cat which was pregnant and noisy and annoying as fuck was still around. Still pregnant and still inflicting murderous thoughts into Tamsin's head.

She rubbed her eyes. Why the hell was she stressing over having a simple dinner at a friends house and meeting said friend's father? She didn't have to feel guilty about this. She hadn't done anything wrong. Yes, she hadn't told Bo about it yet but Bo wasn't her keeper, she didn't need to tell her everything.

What she did need to do, was go buy a new top, and maybe get new jeans while she was at it. She was going to meet the girl's father for Pete's sake, she had to look presentable.

...

''Is that new?''

She started, completely startled.

''how many times do I have to tell you this isn't a mosque?''

''You said church and don't change the subject.'' The brunette sat on the bed, ''why are you wearing a new top?''

Tamsin turned back to the mirror, she really didn't want to have this conversation.

''I'll try not to take offense in that statement.''

Bo rolled her eyes, ''You know what I mean.''

''Actually, I don't.''

''Whatever. So I've been thinking. Maybe I should have a party.''

Tamsin frowned, glad for the change of conversation but a little confused,''you had the hugest party I've ever seen just weeks ago.''

''Yeah, but maybe I should have another one and as my best friend you have to come and maybe ... maybe bring someone with you.''

Then it dawned on her, ''By someone you mean Lauren?''

''Yeah.'' She stood up, ''It'll be a great chance for us to finally talk.''

Tamsin couldn't see how that even remotely made sense but at that moment she couldn't concentrate enough to tell Bo that. it was starting to worry her how many times in a single day she felt like vomiting. if she didn't know any better she think she was pregnant.

''Maybe you could ask her when you see her on Monday for your lessons?'' Bo sounded so innocently shy and sickeningly trusting.

''I'm seeing her tonight actually, we're... we're having dinner with her dad.''

There, it was out. It had been choking Tamsin every time she'd seen Bo in the past five days she had felt guilt and anger in such high intensities that it scared her.

There was a moment of silence then. Tamsin felt a weird case of dejavu

''What?'' her voice and eyes and entire body language told Tamsin Bo was hurt. suddenly she wanted to take it back.

But she couldn't.

The words were already out there and Bo already looked like Tamsin was having dinner with Lauren just to hurt her. she wanted to make it better, so she softened her voice, ''it's just dinner, Bo.''

''With her father,it's just dinner with her and her father.'' her voice sounded dead.

''She...''

''God I'm so stupid!''

''What are you¬''

''I practically handed her over to you!''

Uh, ''What?''

''If it wasn't for this stupid tutoring thing you wouldn't even have known her. How could I have been so stupid.'' She was talking more to herself than to Tamsin.

The blond took a breath, no use losing her shit now. '' she's just my friend, Bo.''

''And I'm your best friend. Your best friend who trusted you with the most important thing in her life, your best friend who you're going to screw over. Aren't you?'' Her voice was dripping with so much hatred it scared Tamsin a bit.

''That's not...'' She tried explaining although she didn't know exactly what to say.

Bo put her palm up, her brown eyes swimming in a sea of so many emotions.

''Fuck you Tamsin. Just¬ fuck you.''

...

"Fuck, fuck fuck!"

She dug her hands in to her hair and pulled, she needed to feel the pain, she needed to feel something at that moment other than confusion and pure hate at herself.

God had she fucked things up!

She shouldn't have told her. Yes, it had been eating the fuck away at her although she had no idea why but she could have handled it. She was good at handling shit so that other people didn't have to.

She had done it for her mother for fifteen fucking years and she didn't even like the woman.

"Fuck!"

The alarm that she'd set so that she wouldn't be late leaving the house went off.

It was time to go to Lauren's for dinner. A dinner that Lauren had been so shy and excited inviting her to, a dinner that if she went to, Bo would never talk to her again.

She stared at the phone, the alarm kept going off.


	7. Chapter 7

This chapter is for FrenChi, I hope I got that right, you were my very first reviewer and therefore the very first person in the world other than my closest friends to give me an opinion on my work and that to me is very special. so this one is for you.

Thank you all for reading and reviewing and as soon as I learn how to and what to say, i'll reply to your reviews. promise.

I don't own lost girl.

* * *

><p>When you took her age into consideration, or even if you didn't; Tamsin Sarksten had been through a whole lot.<p>

Her mom had married a useless son of a bitch who thought Tamsin and her mother were punching bags. The very same mother thought insulting Tamsin was some sort of sport and once, and this isn't an exaggeration, she had battled a bear. Maybe not an actual bear but the boy she´d fought with had been so huge he might as well have been one. Point is, Tamsin was a survivor. She had survived a whole lot of shit and she was definitely going to survive a whole lot more.

Just as long as none of what she had to survive included Lauren Lewis shutting her out.

"_I can't."_

That was all the content of the text she'd sent to Lauren on Saturday night.

Had it been a cowardly move? Yes.

Did it completely kill her to send it? Definitely.

Had she drowned her blood in all the alcohol she had in the house while ignoring Lauren's calls and texts? Yes. Yes. Yes.

But it had been necessary. Bo considered her her best friend and in her own terribly annoying way, the brunette had made herself a tiny home in Tamsin's heart. She couldn't hurt her, not any more than she already had. The brunette might be annoying but she was still Tamsin's friend and Tamsin might not have liked it, but the girl had made a tiny home for herself in Tamsin's heart. She didn't want to hurt her, not any more than she already had. Those were the facts.

Facts that she desperately wished she could curse to hell as she sat in Lauren's kitchen pretending to be doing some stupid sum while stealing glances at Lauren.

Lauren who had looked at her with mild surprise and incredible amounts of hurt when she'd opened the door.

Lauren who hadn't smiled at her, not once since she'd walked into this house.

Lauren who was clearly shutting her out.

…...

''I um…I have something to show you.'' She said nervously, reaching into her bag.

It was Wednesday and Lauren was still acting like Tamsin was just someone she was tutoring. Like they didn't share inside jokes and Sunday movie nights and it was scaring the shit out of Tamsin.

She had seen what being shut out by Lauren Lewis was like. She had listened to Bo whine, bitch and cry over Lauren and she would be damned before she just sat and watched that happen to her.

"You do?" She said politely nit even sounding remotely excited.

Tamsin's hopes shot down like a dying radio.

''Yeah,'' she forged on, ''here.'' She stretched out the paper, feeling an odd mixture of nervousness and excitement. A paper that she'd worked harder on than she'd ever worked on a paper in her life. She had spent time that she was supposed to be sleepin studying instead. She had taken her time while doing it, trying to recall what Lauren and the teacher had taught her. She had gotten a freaking A! That had to count for something, right?

Apparently, something was a twitch of the lips.

''This is great Tamsin, I'm really proud of you.'' Said in a polite voice that you just didn't use with friends.

Tamsin sighed inwardly. She'd just have to try harder.

…...

The idea came to her as she was shopping with Bo Saturday afternoon.

The brunette was confusing Tamsin's head in a way that wasn't appreciated. She had just walked in to Tamsin's apartment in that never knocking way of hers and sat on Tamsin's neatly spread bed.

"_I don't wanna talk about it. I know I over reacted and it was just dinner but, I love her Tamsin. And the thought of her being with anyone else, especially now that I'm trying so hard to get my shit together so there can be an us, it scares me. But you're my best friend and…I trust you so…yeah.''_

Then she had shrugged and that was it. She was back to being annoying and never knocking and making Tamsin leave the house when all she wanted to do was drown herself in alcohol and think of ways to get back on Lauren's good side.

''Remind me why we're here again?" She asked glaring at the green haired boy who had been looking at her rather oddly since they walked in to the movie store.

"To get an action film for Dyson. He needs it for a boy's night in. What do you think about Bruce Willis?''

"I don't." She said bluntly.

Bo rolled her eyes, "find, stay there and be unhelpful, I'm going to go loo around." Then she had swung her hips and walked away.

Tamsin was still glaring at the boy when her eyes landed on a poster and she had a light bulb moment.

_Lauren will love that._

…

She hadn't been sure what to do. Things were so tense between them and Lauren was acting like she was just starting to see Tamsin now. She thought of not going at all. But then she thought of what was in the overnight bag that she had packed. And how Lauren's eyes will light up when she saw it. She thought of a bed full of snacks that they weren't going to finish and a peaceful breakfast full of shy smiles and science speak that she couldn't understand a word of but was happy to listen to all the same.

She thought of all of this and she couldn't not go, no matter how nervous she was feeling.

"I got you something." She after they'd settled into bed.

Lauren just looked at her, her brown eyes soft and eternally curious, her hair glowing and her skin looking so babyishly soft.

"Here."

She watched for a reaction. A smile, maybe a hug. Hope, she lived on it.

"Where did you get it?" her voice sounded happy. Tamsin smiled.

"The movie store." She felt proud.

That brilliant smile on Lauren's face, she had put it there.

"Thank you so much Tamsin. Do you mind if we watch this tonight?"

"Nope. I like Star Trek."

"Okay and its Star Trek _Original."_ Lauren said in that adorably excited way of hers.

Tamsin couldn't stop smiling. Things were looking up for her.

…..

Dyson, Tamsin had come to a conclusion, had a complex. She didn't what it was yet, but he had one and she hated it.

"But don't you miss it?" He was trying her patience. He really was.

She had been in a good mood all day. Lauren had made her pancakes in the morning like she did every Sunday morning and for some reason she had put smiley faces on them today.

_Smiley faces._

God, no one had ever done that for her. Not even her mother, between drinking herself to oblivion and taking beatings from her stupid husband or watching as her daughter took them in her stead, Danielle Sarksten really didn't have time to make something as silly as pancakes let alone put smiley faces on them.

It surprised Tamsin how happy that tiny little thing made her. And how much she actually wanted someone to care enough for her to do something like that.

That happiness was the only thing preventing her from beating the fuck out of Dyson.

Honestly, who asks people about their sex life while they were eating? Really. They weren't even friends. He was just the guy who hanged around Bo acting like some half boy half way too loyal dog and Tamsin was forced to hang out with him by extension.

"That's really none of your business." She was trying to be polite.

"Come on ,we're all friends here. Right baby?" he put his arms around Bo.

"Yeah, Tam. We're all friends."

That's when it dawned on Tamsin that maybe, just maybe, Bo wasn't as okay with everything as she'd want Tamsin to believe.

And honestly, she didn't know how to feel about that.

…...

"So since we always solve the brackets first, regardless of…"

"Are we okay?"

She had to ask. It had been two days since her lunch with Bo and she just, she was asking herself questions.

Bo had said that things were okay between them, she had acted like they were, but now that Tamsin looked closely, they really weren't. Bo was still harboring some hurt and Tamsin felt some sort of guilt at that and also something else. Like she was being lied to, being tested.

She didn't like it. And she was sure she would like it a lot less if Lauren wa doing that too.

She needed to know.

"Sorry?"

"I know you're acting okay and all but I-"

"Acting? I'm acting?"

Maybe that wasn't the right word to use.

"No. That's not what I mean I just…are we okay? I know I was a jerk and all but I need to know that we're _really_ okay."

Lauren sighed, Tamsin tensed.

" Yes, we are admit that I was hurt when you canceled on me and didn't even explain why. You still haven't told me why by the way."

"I can't."

"Can't or won't?"

Tamsin could practically see Lauren's walls building back up. Had she been thinking straight, it would have worried her just how panicked that made her.

"Lauren," she could tell her, it would lift a huge weight off her shoulders if she just said "I like you."

"You-" had she said that out loud? "You like me?" oh fuck.

It was out there. She hadn't admitted it even to herself but now it was out there, Lauren knew.

"Yeah. " She wasn't good at this, she wasn't good at this at all.

Also, the silence was driving her nuts.

"Say something," please please say something.

Lauren didn't say anything, she did do something though, she kissed her.

…

She was kissing Lauren Lewis.

No,no; Lauren Lewis was kissing her.

And it was amazing. So so amazing.

It felt like floating, floating in everything Lauren. Her scent, her softness her lips the way she placed her soft hands on Tamsin's cheeks. It was floating and trusting that –lauren wouldn't let her sink.

Trust.

_You're my best friend…and I trust you."_

She couldn't do this. She wasn't supposed to be doing this.

She pulled back, too a breath and looked into Lauren's confused and aroused eyes. Taking a moment to just look into them incase she never got another chance.

"Tamsin what-"

"I can't do this."


	8. Chapter 8

AN: I think a couple of things need to be adressed before I go on. You guys have taken the time to read my story and it's only fair that I explain my thought process where it isn't clear, so here goes;

There's a reason, and a really big one as far as this story is concerned as to why I'm yet to and probably will not specify a ship. If this was mainly a Copdoc story, trust me I would already have said so.

Lauren, Bo and Tamsin, as I'm trying to depict them, are human and growing. So far we've only seen Tamsin's side of things, mainly because I find it really easy to write her, but all the characters will be explored, I promise.

I notice that people think Bo is selfish and self absorbed, which she is, but there's a reason for that. I'm sure that when you read Bo's point of view you will see this.

I have a very clear path as to where I want to lead this story. If you're going to come on the journey with me, Thank you, so much. If you feel like I'm a little too confusing for you,Thanks for giving it a chance anyway.

Thank you all for the support, you're all sorts of amazing.

_Marcelle._

* * *

><p>"You can't." A deaf person would have heard the incredulity in Lauren's tone.<p>

Tamsin wanted to bash her head in something hard. She was making a mess of things left right and center and she just did not know how to stop.

"I just-"

"-kissed me back, Tamsin. I kissed you and you kissed me back. Right after you told me you liked me. So I don't-" she placed her palm on her forehead, Tamsin didn't think she had ever seen her so confused before, "did I do it wrong? Is that it? Because-"

"You didn't." Tamsin cut in. She couldn't let Lauren think this was her fault in any way. "You didn't do it wrong." She said softly.

'_You__ did it amazingingly, you're an amazing kisser' _Went unsaid.

"Then what's the problem?" She sounded like a mixture of confusion and hurt and it broke Tamsin's heart.

Bo, my friend Bo. The first person in a really long time to take me as I am, no judgments passed. The person who's in love with you, the person who's _trusting me_ not to do anything with you. She wanted to say.

"I just can't." She said instead.

"I just can't is not an answer Tamsin, at least not one I'm willing to take." Lauren sounded angry.

Perfect, shy, polite, always saying the exact right thing Lauren sounded angry. Tamsin didn't think she could hate herself any more than she did at that moment.

"I don't-" she felt bile rising in her throat, God she would need so much alcohol after this, "I don't like you like that."

Lauren's eyes narrowed, Tamsin could practically see her rolling the words in her mind. Processing their every possible meaning. And the more time she took, the sicker Tamsin felt.

"Oh." She said finally. Her brown eyes more blank than Tamsin had ever seen them and suddenly, she wanted to take the words back.

"Lauren I-"

"We'll revise angles tomorrow," she sounded detached, lost, vastly uncomfortable where she was, like a doctor who longed to be someone else.

"Laure-"

"Try not to be late."

...

"Not this again." Nadia's voice sounded tired.

Tamsin didn't give a shit. She drowned some more of the drink she'd been having since she got to work, she hadn't even bothered to check it's name. She had been on a mission to forget.

Forget the look in Lauren's eyes when she opened the door and wordlessly begged her to leave.

Forget the fact that she had messed up what without a doubt the best thing she had going for her in her whole damn life.

She didn't care what helped her forget, she might have been drinking surgical spirit for all she knew, just as long as it did the trick.

"Not now, Nadia." She wiped her lips with the back of her hand and winced.

Seriously, what the fuck was she drinking?

She raised the bottle to eye level, the words looked like some sort of dancing ants, it was making her dizzy just looking at them.

She shrugged and brought the bottle to her lips, it's not like she cared what it was anyway. Alcohol was alcohol.

"This is getting out of hand, Tamsin." She heard Nadia say. Or maybe she said _"This is getting really hard, Tamsin." _She wasn't completely sure.

"So?" Out of hand, really hard; she honestly didn't give a fuck.

Nadia sighed, she'd been around enough drunk people to know when there was no getting through to one, "I'm going to call Bo to come get you."

She said, her voice a mixture of exhaustion and pity.

Tamsin vomited.

...

"God," Bo dumped her on the bed, "you reek something awful."

Tamsin scoffed. Did she look like she cared about that? Really.

"She's never going to talk to me again."

"What?" Bo asked as she struggled to cover her in the sheets that she absolutely loathed. They insisted on having a certain smell no matter how many times she washed them.

It reminded her of her mother.

Tamsin pushed them away. Bo covered her again. Tamsin threw them on the floor.

"Tamsin, stop that."

"Don't talk to me." She curled herself into a ball, her back to Bo.

"What the fuck is your problem. I don't recall advicing you to go get shit faced."

She sounded angry. Tamsin just couldn't bring herself to care. Or look at her without feeling like vomiting again. Whether from guilt or something else that she'd been holding against the brunette for sometime now; she wasn't sure.

All she was sure of was that her emotions had taken all they could take for the night.

She needed a break.

"Just leave Bo. I don't want you here."

"Whatever."

A few seconds later she heard the door close.

...

When she woke up the next morning, she made a decision. Right after she drunk some black ice because the best cure for a hangover is having another drink.

Life lessons from Danielle Sarksten.

She had decided that one; she was going to get rid of Mrs Perkins stupid cat. The bloody thing had refused to give birth or stop screeching every damn morning. She wasn't going to kill it, that would be just wrong, but maybe she could drive it to the next town and leave it there. Or give it to Bo's cousin, Vex, he seemed like the type to like annoying pregnant cats.

Two, she had made the right decision yesterday. No, not the decision to drink whatever it was that she drunk, that had been a horrible decision.

She had made the right decision in regards to Lauren.

Bo clearly felt something extremely strong for her, and evidently had been feeling it for a while. It wasn't fair for Tamsin to hurt her by interfering with that.

Third, Bo did not need to know that she and Lauren had kissed. That Lauren was the most amazing kisser in the whole entire universe and beyond. That Tamsin would give anything to go back to that moment, that moment when Lauren Lewis in all her etheral perfection had deemed Tamsin Sarksten, fucked up as she was, worthy of her kisses.

Bo certainly did not need to know that.

Fourth, and most important, she had decided, or realized rather, that she did not deserve Lauren Lewis. She did not think there are a great many people on earth worthy enough of Lauren. But amongst the unworthy ones, she was top of the line.

Lauren was smart and charming and really nice and sweet in a way that Tamsin knew would get her hurt one day. And she was so heart breakingly beautiful that sometimes, in all her confusion, it hurt Tamsin's heart to look at her.

Lastly, she was going to tell Lauren about Bo wanting to speak to her. It was the least she could do and maybe it would help take away this stupid feeling she felt every time she saw the brunette.

Yes, Tamsin Sarksten, with the help of Smirnoff ice, had made decisions. and if you ask her, all of them were pretty good ones.

...

Good decisions, as it turns out, can be really fucking hard too.

It was killing her, slowly, painfully, with every blank look; it was killing her that Lauren Lewis had completely shut her out and there was nothing she could do about it.

She had known, immidiately she'd seen her on the other side of the door, she had known.

It was in the greeting. In the way she didn't wait for her before walking to their study area. But mostly, it was in te way she did not smile at her.

She didn't want to come. She'd presumed things would be wierd and maybe Lauren needed some space after the evening from hell. But immidiately her alarm went off, she'd remembered Lauren telling her not to be late and she found herself in the bathroom, getting ready. Had she not been worrying over how everything will go, it would have annoyed her a little the power Lauren has over her.

"Okay, we're going to-"

"Please don't do this." Apparently,Tamsin's mouth and brain had no relationship whatsoever.

Lauren sighed, she sounded eternally tired, "Tamsin."

"Please." It was the most pleading please she had ever said in her life which was saying something because sometimes her pleas had come when she was within an inch of her life.

Lauren softened, "I just need some time. Yesterday was...confusing and embarassing and,_painful_ for me. It's just going to take some time before for me to get over it. But I will, it's not your fault you don't like me like that."

"I really do like you Lauren. Being with you is...it's the best part of my day." She didn't know why she said that, she just didn't want to see the hurt in Luren's eyes anymore.

"You just don't like me _that _way. I know."

"But Bo does." It came out sofltly and completely from nowhere, even Tamsin didn't know she was going to say it until it was out there.

She shoud probably reduce her alcohol intake. It was clearly messing up her brain.

"Sorry?"

Well she had started it, might as well finish,"Bo, she still likes you and...and she was hoping maybe you'd give her a chance to explain herself. That you'd go to a party she's having this weekend?"

God was she thankful she had not eaten anything today.

* * *

><p>From the minute he had seen her, Daniel Dennis knew that his daughter was going to bring great things his way.<p>

She had been so tiny and so perfect and so, so beautiful. Just like her mother.

And as he held her and rocked her gently, watching fondly as she suckled on her tiny fist, he knew she woud be his greatest investment.

And he had been right. Four years, she's been dating the Thornwood boy for four years and it was pretty much a sure thing now that they were going to get married someday.

Everyone in town knew it.

Everyone in town also knew that the second that happened, Daniel Dennis would be the most powerful man in town. Most of the business in town that were not owned by either the Dennis-McCorrigan family was owned by the Thornwoods. A marriage between Bo and Dyson would merge them. Make them even stronger than they already were.

It honestly was the perfect arrangment.

One that Bo Dennis really hated.

"Dyson, stop," she said turning her head away. He always insisted on keeping his stupid face hair and it got on her nerves when they made contact with her skin.

"Why?" he kept kissing at her neck.

"Because," she pushed him away and sat up, already scanning the room for her top, "I need to go check on Tamsin. She wasn't feeling so good yesterday and she skipped school today. I'm worried about her."

Dyson sighed. He didn't like Tamsin much. Mostly because the blond did not make it a secret that she thought little of him.

"I don't get why you're frinds with her. She's a bitch."

She found her top and slipped it on, hoping it had no creases on it, her mother would throw a fit if she looked anything other than perfect at any time of the day.

"I don't tell you who to be friends with, Dyson. It would be really nice if you extended the same courtersy."

She sounded harsh, Dyson visibly retracred,"Fine,but we're still going away for the weekend, right?"

"Of course." She gave him a peck on the lips, adjusted her clothes accordingly and left.

...

She didn't go to Tamsin's, she hadn't been planning on it even when she told Dyson that that's where she was going.

Tamsin had thrown her out of her house after Bo had taken her drunk ass from the bar and talked her grandfather out of giving her a suspension. If she wanted to talk, she had Bo's number.

Besides, she had other important places to be.

_"Do we have to come here every week?" Bo's voice was whinny as she walked behind the blond, heading towards the old town park that no one went to anymore._

_"Yes Bo," Lauren hurried on, her blond hair being swept by the wind, making Bo smile for some reason, "You know I need this for my research."_

_Now Bo's smile was full blown, her best friend was too cute sometimes._

_"That word always sounds so different when you say it."_

_Lauren __smiled, "You think everything sounds different when I say it."_

_"Because everything does sound different when you say it. You make odinary words sound-" she bit her lip in thought for a second then it came to her, "refined."_

_Lauren laughed, her cheeks turning a shade of pink that made Bo feel proud at being the cause of._

_"Come on, we have plants to uproot." She took Bo's hand and Bo let herself be led._

_Her fingernails were going to be so dirty and her mom will be extremley pissed but Lauren Lewis and her refined way of saying ordinary things was holding her hand._

_Bo found she didn't care for much else._

Now she sat on a bench facing the park, it had a direct view to where Lauren still came to pick her reaserch plants. Soon, Lauren was going to appear. Her curious eyes taking in everything around her before she decides what to take back home.

And Bo was going to sit and watch her from afar, wishing she had the courage to just go and say what she desperately wanted to say. What she had wanted to say all those times she had called Lauren late at night and ended up just listening to the other girl breath into the phone, waiting for her to grow a back bone until she got tired and hanged up.

She wanted to say it. With all her heart she wanted to say,_I'm sorry, I love you, please please give me another chance,please._

But she couldn't, not until Lauren herself gave her a chance to.

Her phone vibrated, she had a new text message.

Tamsin.

_"Start planning that party. She's agreed to come."_

Her heart literally stopped beating for a second.


	9. Chapter 9

Her door flew open and Bo Dennis in her, no one ever taught me the art of knocking ways, came almost running into Tamsin's house.

The blond frowned, she had sent the text to the brunette less than ten minutes ago.

"How the fuck is it that at your you still not understand the concept of knocking? It's honestly not that complicated."

Bo didn't even seem to have understood a word she'd said, she just stood there, panting, "what did she say, tell me exactly what she said."

_"A party?" It was a question and a statement, one that had been uttered in a tone of voice Tamsin had never heard from Lauren._

_"Yeah. She- she wants to talk- and-"_

_"She wants to talk." Disbelief. Her voice was full of disbelief._

_"And sort things out." _

_Tamsin wanted this conversation to be over. Yesterday. She had never in her life thought that she would ever feel her heart break as many times as it had been breaking lately._

_Like it was breaking at that moment.  
><em>

_Lauren let out a humorless laugh,"you're joking, right?"_

_Joking? Seriously?_

_ Her heart was being torn in two in a way that she'd never wish on anyone, not even her worst enemy, and Lauren thought she was joking?_

_The unfairness of life surprised the fuck out of her sometimes._

_She refrained from saying anything. Chances were if she opened her mouth at that moment something bitchy will spill and and she wasn't going to be bitchy to Lauren._

_Anyone but her._

_"Is-" Lauren had that shiny quality in her eyes that always came about when she figured something out, "Is that the reason why you pushed me away?"_

_Sometimes Tamsin forgot that there was reason Lauren had managed to get into college at sixteen._

_The girl was ridiculously smart._

_"What, no, of course-"_

_"Don't insult my intelligence Tamsin. Please."_

_She sighed._

_ How and when had her life become so freakishly complicated? _

_"Were you lying?" Lauren asked in a soft hurt voice when it was clear Tamsin wasn't going to say anything.  
><em>

_"I-"_

_"When you told me you didn't like me like that. When you made me feel like I'd just gone and violated you. We're you lying to me?"_

_Panick. That's what that question and the tone of voice it was asked in brought out in Tamsin._

_Pure Panick._

_"Lauren it's not-"_

_"Yes or no Tamsin. Yes or no will do just fine."_

_She was going to completely lose her. Whatever little she had of Lauren Lewis she was going to lose if the word yes came out of her mouth._

_"Don't make me answer that." She begged softly._

_"I guess I have my answer."_

_No, no no. God no._

_"Don't do that." She shook her head. It felt like someone was squeezing her heart, and had been doing so for such a long time Tamsin didn't even recall how it felt to not have it squeezed._

_"Don't do what,Tamsin? Feel hurt that you lied to my face. That you intentionally did things that you knew would hurt me!?"_

_"You can't really think that." She whispered. Hurt._

_"Why Tamsin, why shouldn't I when we both know it's true." She sounded like she was on the verge of crying. "Is it the reason you didn't come to dinner? Because of Bo? Because you're here for her and her needs come first?"_

_"Lauren that's-" she could feel her throat closing and her eyes stinging._

_Fuck it, she was **not** going to cry!_

_"Don't lie to me!"_

_"I like you, okay! I like you in that **way** and in all other sorts of way a person can like another person."_

_"And that's such a bad thing you had to lie to me and tell me you didn't?"_

_"Of course not! God, Lauren. You're the most **amazing** person I have ever met in my life."_

_"Then what-"_

_"Bo gave me a chance." She said cutting the other blond off, "she was the first person in the world to do so. My own mother didn't even think I deserved one. And I-I don't want to repay that by completely shitting her over. I just, I don't want to be one of those ungrateful bitches that go through life screwing other people over. I don't want to be my mother. " God she was exhausted of feeling her world spin out of control and not having a say in it. "I'm not asking you to forgive her Lauren. I'm not even asking you to go to the party if you don't want to. I'm just telling you that Bo is having a party and she wants you to go. What you do with the information is up to you." She finished softly. Feeling completely drained. _

"_I'll__ go."_

_"What?" _

_"I'll go to the party."_

_Tamsin felt what was left of her heart breaking.  
><em>

"She said she'll come to the party." Tamsin said, pretending to be concentrating on her laptop.

Bo arched a brow, "that's all?"

"That's all."

...

She could do it.

She could sit and watch as Bo tried dress after dress in order to find the perfect thing to wear to her party(which surprisingly,_was_ going to take place that weekend. Short notice and all) Just as long as someone kept filling her glass with vodka.

"What about this one?"

It was a blue strapless dress. Blue was Lauren's favorite color.

_It reminds me of the sea,my mom loved the_ sea.

She was never going to lie under covers that smelled of vanilla and honey and something solely Lauren and hear her whisper tiny details about herself ever again.

"She'll like it."

Bo bit her lip, "you really think so? I want to look perfect. I want everything to be perfect. This is my chance to start winning her back. I can't mess up."

Seriously, did she have some sort of stomach bug? I couldn't be normal to get this sick in the stomach this many times.

She took a bigger than neccesary gulp of her drink. It burnt as t slid down her throat. She welcomed the sting. Honestly at this point she welcomed anything that wasn't hurt, pain, self loathe and utter devastation.

"What's your plan anyway?" She asked to change the subject.

Bo tilted her head to the side, regarding herself critically, "what plan?"

"What will you say to her?" She scoffed, "you're not going to wing it are you?"

"It's called speaking from the heart, Tamsin."

Tamsin let it go. What did she know about speaking hearts. Her's was too busy breaking at all hours of the day to do much else.

* * *

><p>Bo was out of her mind with nerves.<p>

Tamsin had bailed on her, she had just sent a text that said she was busy and coudn't come.

Bo was a littlee dissapointed. Tamsin had been acting odd for a while now and Bo knew somewhere in her mind, if she just searched hard enough, she'd figure out why.

She just didn't want to.

Their relationship was a bit unconventional, and sometimes the blond pissed the hell out of her but as things stood Tamsin was her friend. And Bo knew if she figured out the cause behind Tamsin's odd behaviour they wouldn't be friends anymore.

So she chose to let sleeping dogs lie.

Besides, she couldn't go into that tonight. Not when Lauren Lewis was going to be here, talking to her, giving her a chance to make things better after she'd let them go to shit so bad.

This was her chance and no one was going to mess it up for her.

Not Tamsin and whatever it was she was hiding.

Not Dyson and the fact that he was pissed beyond belief that Bo had cancelled their trip for an out of nowhere party.

Not even her parents and their controlling, self serving ways.

Absolutely no one was going to ruin this for her.

She looked around, her eyes trying to make sure everyting was perfect and her mind trying to keep her away from checking what time it was.

Tamsin had said Lauren had said she'll be here.

And if there's one thing Bo is certain of, is that Lauren Lewis always keeps her word.

_"It's only one week, Bo." Lauren said as she double checked her things for the trip she was taking with her father._

_"That's a whole seven days," Bo said with a pout, "what I'm I supposed to do without you for a whole seven days?" She honestly sounded like she was going to cry._

_Lauren sighed and sat next to her on the bed,"do you want me to stay?" She asked softly._

_Bo took her hand and started playing with the blond's fingers._

_ It was a little nervous habbit of hers._

_Lauren found it adorable._

_"Yes." She said quietly, "but I want you to go too. You love everything science and you get to spend time with your dad. I'm just going to miss you so bad."_

_"I'll miss you too." She watched as the brunette laced their fingers, "but I'll call you, every single day."_

_"Promise?" She asked innocently._

_Lauren squeezed her hand softly, promise."_

And she did call, every single night.

And everytime they had to say goodbye Bo would find something new to talk about so they could stay on the phone for a while longer.

She smiled at the memory, God what wouldn't she give to go back if only for a minute.

She would do so many things differently.

"Hello Bo," a voice said from behind her.

She felt her mouth go dry and her heartbeat increase.

She turned around,"Lauren,Hi."

...

She didn't know what she had been expecting.

She'd dreamed of this moment so many times that all the ways that she had ever hoped it will go were all just jumbled up in her head into one big mess,

What she did know though, is she hadn't been expecting Lauren to just greet her then walk up the stairs.

That part had come as a complete shock to her.

"Uh, thanks...thanks for coming Lauren. It means a lot to me."

Shit.

Why the hell was she nervous!

She had planned this for days, she didn't need nerves messing everything up for her.

"You wanted me here Bo. Well here I am. Say what you wanted to say."

Bo fiddled with her fingers.

Fuck it she was making a mess out of her one and probably only chance at ever working things out.

"I- I am so sorry Lauren. I know I've said that to you more than enough times but it needs to be said again. I am so sorry for everything, I probably will be for the rest of my life."

"Sorry isn't enough anymore Bo. Not after everything that happened between us."

"I know that," Bo took a step towards the blond, "I do. But I needed to make a firdt step and you knowing that I feel so bad for everything that happened and that I am willing to do anything to make it better was that step for me."

"Bo,I know you're sorry and I forgive you." She said in that soft way of hers and Bo's heart completely soared.

She was getting it, she was getting another chance to fight for the only person on earth who had ever made her feel happy and loved.

"But I can't be with you, not after everything that's happened."

Bo's face went blank, her eyes glassed up, she shook her head, "you don't mean that."

"Yes I do, Bo."

"No you don't," she was standing in front of the blond now, her eyes pleading, "it's us, remember? Bo and Lauren, Lauren and Bo. Perfect and meant to be. You-you said that. Remember? You said that."

"Bo-"

"Please. I'll do anything Lauren. _Anything. _Just take me back. Please."She was openly begging now and she couldn't even begin to care.

Not when this was on the line.

Lauren shook her head, her eyes getting glassy too, "there isn't a thing you can do Bo," she took a step back, "not this time."

"I'm not going to stop trying you know. I'm never going to stop."

Lauren looked at her with sad brown eyes, shrugged like there was nothing else she could do and left.

And that's when the sobs racked Bo's body.

* * *

><p>She had done the right thing.<p>

It had been the right thing to do.

Bo loved Lauren and if she could only get her act together, she would be able to give the blonde everything she deserved.

And if there's one person on earth who deserved everything, it was Lauren Lewis.

Sweet, funny,caring,ridiculously gorgeous,effortlessly sexy, Lauren Lewis.

"She makes the most amazing pancakes." She breathed out and smiled.

God she was going to miss her so bad.

So so bad.

She didn't think Bo was going to let her anywhere near the blond again and even if she did, Tamsin wasn't going to do that to her heart.

Seeing Lauren everyday and knowing what she had given up was going to break the pices that were already broken.

But then not seeing her _at all,_well that would probably kill her.

"Fuck!"

She threw the bottle she'd been holding across the room.

How the fuck had she let her life get so god damned complicated over one girl?

One perfect girl but one girl nonetheless.

And worst of all, if were ever to do it all over again, she wouldn't do anything different. Not if it meant she didn't get to see that smile or sit on her bed and watch her concenrate on one scientific show or the other or even hear her nerd out about mathematical formulas. She would take all the heart break twenty times over if it meant she got to expirience what it felt like to be wrapped up in something so completely Lauren that it made you forget that your life is fucked up.

Even if for just a moment.

She placed her face in her palms and her elbows on her knees; as if she wasn't fucked up enough as it was, now she'd gone and turned into a massochist.

Her train of thought was cut short when she heard her door fly open and a livid Bo Dennis walked in, looking like she had been crying for hours.

Tamsin stood up, "what are you-"

She didn't even see the slap coming.

She just felt a sharp sting on her face and heard it echo in the house.

"What the fuck,Bo!"


	10. Chapter 10

_AN; This chapter is kind of like an ending of the first part of the story and the setting of the stage for the second part._

_AN2; Thank you for reading and reviewing and saying really really nice things about my writting._

_Thank you, very much._

_I do not own lost girl._

* * *

><p>Tamsin had been slapped more times than she had been kissed in her life.<p>

At some point, the sting of slaps stopped surprisingher and became kind of familiar, something she should bear with because she was Tamsin Sarksten, the mistake that had ruined Danielle Sarksten's entire life. And mistakes, mistakes deserved all the slaps in the world, she had been told that enough times for her to believe it.

For her to reconcile herself with it.

But for some reason Bo's slap surprised the fuck out of her.

Maybe it was because she had given up something that she hadn't even known was her's to give up in the first place for the brunette.

Maybe it was because she had been sitting here for hours, talking to herself like some insane person while slowly corroding whatever was left of her liver, giving herself liver freaking cirrhosis, thinking of Bo and Lauren getting together, leaving her to deal with heart break for the rest of eternity.

Most probably though, it was because a slap, after everything, was the last thing she expected from Bo.

"Why the fuck would you-"

"It's all your fault! All of it."

The brunette looked half crazy and if she hadn't just slapped her, maybe Tamsin would have given a fuck.

"Keep speaking in tounges Bo. Cause we both know I'm freaking psychic, I'll know exactly what the fuck you mean."

"Don't play dumb with me, Tamsin. Were you just laughing at me in that twisted mind of your's? Did you set me up knowing full well you'd already poisoned her mind towards me?"

What the-

"What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"Lauren! I'm talking about Lauren and how you've fucking ruined any chances I ever had of getting her back."

Tamsin narrowed her eyes at the brunette. This wasn't happening right now. Not after everything she had done for Bo. Not after she had been willling to let her own heart break just so Bo could get a chance.

Bo was _not_ saying these things to her at this moment, Tamsin refused to believe it.

The brunette looked drunk, that must be it. Tamsin knew better than most what alcohol can make people do and say.

"You need to calm down." She said as calmly as she possibly could.

Bo scoffed, "what I need, is for you to leave Lauren the fuck alone. You don't deserve her."

Uh, okay. Forget being Bo being drunk, forget Tamsin being rational; that fucking hurt.

"And you do?" Tamsin asked with an arched brow.

She had verbally sparred with people enough times to know that if you want to maim them, you hit them where it hurts most, and she knew exactly where to hit Bo, "you've hurt the girl so much she can't even hear your name mentioned without flinching."

The livid look in Bo's eyes fell away and was replaced by hurt, she hardened her features, "you know nothing about that." She spat out

"And you know nothing about me. So don't go acting like you do." Tamsin said with just as much anger.

"I love her, Tamsin! Why won't you just understand that!"

"Of course I understand, I understand better than anyone what it means to love Lauren Lewis."

Immidiately the words left her mouth, both of them grew silent.

So silent you could hear them breathing.

How the hell had she not seen it? It was more obvious than day that she loved the girl.

The constant heart break at the thought of her being with anyone else, the excitement any time she spent time with her, the need to always make sure that things were fin between them.

God, she had even apologised to the girl, more than once. And Tamsin Sarksten just didn't do apologies.

"You're-" Bo broke the silence, her eyes glassy and blazing with more anger than Tamsin had ever seen in them, "you're in love with Lauren?"

"Bo-" shit, what the hell was she supposed to say? Before the words spewed out of her mouth even she hadn't known that she was in love with the girl her best friend was pinning over.

Bo backed a step and dug her fingers in her hair, "How could you?" She whispered.

How could you?

What, did she think that Tamsin had planned this? That she had even known that she was falling in love with Lauren?

"Bo it's not-"

"Anyone but her. I asked you to date _anyone _but her."

Uh, the fuck?

"I'm not your freaking puppet, Bo. I don't do or keep from doing things because you tell me to. And Lauren isn't your property."

"No, she's the girl I'm in love with and you're supposed to be my friend." She yelled pointing an accusing finger at the blond.

"I am, Bo. God if only you knew."

"Well, I don't know. All I know is that I trusted you, I believed in you and you threw it back in my face."

"Bo-" She started but the brunette put her palm,up signalling her to stop talking.

The tears she had been trying to hold were falling freely now.

"Don't even bother explaining. It won't matter what you say because I'm done with you, Tamsin. Totally done." She said with utter finallity in her voice.

Then she left.

...

Distraction, distraction distraction.

That was all that was running through Tamsin's mind as she walked into Vex's club.

She hadn't been able to stay in the house after Bo left.

She was out of alcohol and there were too many things running in her mind all at the same time and she felt suffocated.

She felt like she was going crazy.

But most of all, she felt like an utter idiot.

Who the fuck cannot tell when they're falling in love with someone?

Seriously!

All the signs had been there. All of them.

God, she'd even drunk herself half to death when she'd thought of the girl not talking to her again.

"What can I get you hot stuff?"

The barman asked, pulling her from her mind.

She shed off her coat and drapped it on the back of her seat.

"Vodka on the rocks."

He nodded and got to work.

She turned to scan her eyes around the club.

Distraction, she needed a distraction, and tonight it had to be more than just alcohol.

She was going to fall out of love with Lauren Lewis.

She had to.

...

"Hi," She said in what she knew was her most seductive voice.

She was tipsy enough to be flirty and drunk enough not to give a fuck about much at that moment. And she had been eyeing the blond for good few minutes before approaching.

The girl was tall, with a head of nice golden hair and brown eyes.

They didn't twinkle and she did not smell of vanilla and honey and other things that made Tamsin lose most of ger senses but that was okay, she'll do.

"Hi." The girl smiled.

She had seen Tamsin watching her, she had been waiting for her to make a move.

Tamsin smiled like a hunter who'd just conered her prey.

"You want to get out of here?" Her voice oozed sex.

The girl bit her lip and nodded.

...

The washroom. How cliché´.

No matter though, she wasn't looking for romance.

She was looking for a bloody destraction. Something had to be good enough to remove the image of warm whisky eyes and soft smiles from her head.

"You're so hot." The girl (Dani,Sami?- who the fuck remembered)said while unbuttoning Tamsin's shirt.

Tamsin smirked, this was going to work, whatever her name was was going to distract her, she was going to help her forget.

If only for tonight.

"You're not so bad yourself."

The girl giggled and brought their lips together.

Then it happened; Absolutely nothing.

There was no floaty feeling, no feeling of complete safety, there wasn't that incredibly warm feeling in her belly that made her feel light haeded.

There was nothing.

Either whatever her name was was a really bad kisser or whatever Tamsin was doing was really wrong.

Either way, she knew she had to stop.

"I can't." She pulled back.

If the situation wasn't completely fucked up and if the girl before her wasn't looking at her with outmost confusion, Tamsin would have laughed at the irony of it all.

Hadn't she told Lauren the exact same thing after kissing her?

"I thought you-"

Tamsin shook her head and started buttoning her shirt back up, "not anymore."

She wasn't falling out of love with Lauren Lewis. Not tonight.

...

She still needed a freaking distraction, now more than ever.

"Scotch," she said hen she sat back down, "keep it coming."

The bar man did not dissapoint and neither did Tamsin.

Before ten she had drunk almost a whole bottle and was busy relating her troubles to the bar man, Frank.

Such a nice name, Frank.

Nice man too.

"And I sacrificed my happiness for her you know?"

Frank nodded.

"I-It's not like I planned on falling in love with the girl."

"Your best friend's girl, you mean."

"Shut up, _Frank._ No one asked for your opinion."

He laughed and picked another glass to wipe, "well if you would have asked, I would have told you to tell her."

"That I love her?" She asked incredulously.

"Yeah," he shrugged, "seems like the other chick already lost her chance and I kinda fear for your liver if you go on like this."

She laughed, "but my liver's loss is your gain, isn't it."

"That it is." He said before winking at her and leaving to go serve someone else. Leaving her to think about what he'd said.

...

She found herself in front of Lauren's door at ten thirty, Frank waving at her after he'd convienced to stop being such a wimp and a doormat and just go for it.

_I'll even drive you after my shift._

And he had driven her. And given her his number to call him if things went to shit.

"Do it!"

He yelled while driving away.

She chuckled a bit and turned to the door.

She could do this. There was no reason she should lose both Bo and Lauren.

Bo was clearly done with her, her own words. And if everything Tamsin had done to keep their friendship wasn't enough.

If her knowing that Tamsin was in love with Lauren and had still stepped aside so she could get a chance wasn't enough, then nothing will ever be.

And she wasn't going to keep bending herself backwards trying to make things okay if Bo wasn't even going to appriciate her efforts.

What she was going to do though, was make things okay with Lauren.

She could do it, all she had to do was knock the door and say the right words.

She took in a breath and raised her knuckles.

Before she could knock though the door flew open and there stood Lauren, tears in her eyes.

And someone was standing beside her, "Bo?"


	11. Chapter 11

To everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter, thank you.

Really.

So I was going to dedicate this chapter to one of my favorite reviewers but uh...I really don't think she'll want this so..yeah.

I hope this answers a few questions and I hope it isn't as hard to read as it was to write.

All mistakes are mine.

* * *

><p>The first time Aife Dennis heard the name Lauren Lewis, her daughter had been eleven, almost twelve really.<p>

"_There's a new girl in my class. Her names Lauren" _She had gushed as they ate dinner one night, "_she's smarter than smart."_

That was the first of many times Aife would hear the name Lauren in her house.

"_Do you know that Lauren has golden dapples in her eyes?"_

"_Golden Dapples?"_

"_Mhmm, and when she smiles, they dance."_

If she's being honest, Aife had initially found it cute. She remembered when she was Bo's age, she'd also had a best friend who had been more like a sister to her.

She was glad her daughter was getting to experience the joys of true friendship.

"_Mom, do you think we could have like, zoo animals and stuff, at my party." _

"_Animals?"_

"_Uh huh. Lauren really likes animals and I really want her to have fun at my party."_

"_But honey, you're afraid of animals."_

"_Yeah, but Lauren loves them so-"_

They had hired half the zoo for the party, and Aife started worrying.

A simple friendship she could stand, there was really no harm in it.

But it seemed like whatever Bo had for the blond girl was a little more than just friendly feelings.

Or maybe Aife was just looking too much into things.

Bo, from a very early age had always been extremely passionate.

She did not do things half assed, she put her heart and soul into everything she did.

That must be what was going on, it was just a very intense friendship.

Nothing more.

She had been wrong.

It happened when Bo was fifteen.

The brunette had been down for almost a week and when Aife asked her what the problem is, she said something about Lauren and a conference and that she didn't really feel like talking about it, Aife let her be.

Until one day, late at night, when her father was out of town and it was just the two of them making dinner, she brought it up herself.

"_Mom," she started softly._

"_Yes dear," Aife answered, not really giving her much attention, she needed to focus all her attention on measuring the flour, it was imperative if the brownies she was baking were to be any good._

"_Uh, I need to ask you something, and I need you to not freak out, Okay?"_

_Now she turned her attention to her daughter. _

_She had never heard Bo sound so nervous about asking her anything._

_Bo was Aife's only child and judging by the fact that Bo was fourteen and there still weren't any signs of her getting pregnant any time soon, that was going to be a permanent thing._

_She tried making sure they were friends, that Bo felt free to tell her anything anytime without feeling scared at all._

"_Honey, you can tell me anything. You know that" She used her most motherly voice._

"_Just, just promise not to freak out."_

"_Well, I can not really promise until I've heard what you have to say." She said softly._

"_It's uh-it's about Lauren." She wrung her hands while staring at her feet._

"_What about Lauren?"_

"_I just, " she sighed, "I miss her."_

_Aife chuckled, "that's what's got you worried? Honey, it's normal to miss people."_

_Bo shook her head, "not the way I miss her. I miss her all the time. Sometimes, sometimes I can't even think of anything else."_

"_Ysabeu wha are you trying to say?" Aife asked with narrowed eyes._

"_I don't know."Bo looked like she could cry, "I think- I think I like her."_

_Something in Aife told her this conversation was getting dangerous._

_She tried not to jump to conclusions._

"_Of course you like her. She's you're best friend."_

"_No I mean," she sighed, "__**Like l**__ike her"_

_Aife felt her blood freeze._

_This wasn't happening, her daughter wasn't saying these things right now._

_She was fifteen for god's sake! She did not know anything._

"_I don't think you're old enough to know what you're talking about,Ysabeu."_

"_That's the thing though, I do know what I'm talking about mom. I don't know how, I just know that I know."_

"_I don't think I want to keep having this conversation."_

_Bo's eyes widened, "What? Mom you-"_

"_You're too young to know anything, Ysabeu. You and that girl have been best friends over two years and you spend almost everyday together. It's normal that you've become, attached."_

_She said the last word like it was poison, it felt bitter in her mouth._

"_That's not what this is!"_

"_Did I not say I do not want to talk about it? I am telling you what is and what isn't. I am not asking for your opinion."_

"_But-" tears were poling in the brunette's eyes._

"_Go get ready for dinner." Aife said with a note of finality. _

_Bo jumped from the counter, looking at her mother with glazes eyes and a look that said she did not even know who the woman before her was. At that moment, the two might have as well been strangers._

"_And Ysabeu," Aife said not establishing eye contact, 'not a word of this should be uttered to anyone else. Understood?"_

_Bo ran out of the kitchen, cying._

_That night, the brunette had cried herself to sleep and Aife had made phone calls to the Thornwoods, inviting them to dinner the next week._

…

_The next day, Bo was standing in front of Lauren's door._

_The blond had called twenty minute prior to inform her that she was back home and immediately after they'd hang up, Bo was out of her house heading to Lauren's._

_The door was opened after the first knock, as if Lauren had just been waiting for the brunette to knock. And before she could even say hi, Bo's arms were around her._

_Lauren chuckled, "hey."_

"_God I missed you."_

_Lauren heard tears in the brunette's voice, she pulled back, "hey, what's wrong?" She asked softly._

_The brunette shook her head and chuckled a bit, "nothing, I'm just, I'm really happy to see you."_

_She knew she couldn't tell her about the conversation with her mom, no matter how much she wanted to._

"_I've known you for years, Bo. You can't lie to me."_

_Bo wiped the tears away from her eyes and tried to look cheerful, " nothing's wrong. Really." She tagged the blond's hand and pulled her inside the house, "come show me all the sciency stuff you brought back for me from the conference."_

"_Bo-"_

_Lauren wasn't ready to let things go._

_She knew Bo. She knew when she was okay and when she was hurting and right now she was really hurting._

_The brunette turned back,her eyes begging Lauren to just let it go and for some reason, it was ingrained in Lauren to give her best fried whatever she wanted._

_Even if sometimes it wasn't good for her._

_She sighed, "fine, but don't think we won't talk about this later."_

_Bo's reply was a sad smile._

…

"_Where are you off to in such a rush?"_

_A week had passed since Aife's talk with her daughter and to say things had changed would be an understatement._

_Aife found it hard to look her daughter in the eyes and Bo found it revolting to look at her mother at all._

"_Lauren's," she answered curtly, "we have a study date."_

_The word we in regards to her daughter and that girl, uttered in the same sentence as the word date was enough to make Aife feel like vomiting._

_Where had she gone wrong with her little girl?_

_Honestly._

_She had plans for Bo. Big plans and it would be a cold day in hell before she let some stupid teenage phase ruin those plans._

_Bo could hate her all she wanted but Aife was doing this for her own good._

_She would come to see that one day._

"_Bo, I thought I told you-"_

"_You did not forbid me to see cannot forbid me to see her."_

"_I'm your mother, Bo. You'll find that there isn't that many things I cannot do where you're involved."_

_Bo sighed," mother," she sounded tired, a complete different person from who she was a week ago and if Aife didn't know in her heart that what she was doing was best for her child, she would have felt guilty._

"_We're having dinner with the Thornwoods tonight. You're to attend."_

_It wasn't a request._

_Bo's brown eyes looked stormy,"why?"_

"_Because I say so."_

…

_Dinner with the Thornwoods was a torturous affair._

_Mrs. Thornwod was stiff and Dyson Thornwood was touchy._

_Aife encouraged him to end._

"_Dinner was lovely, Aife. Thank you for having us."_

"_Thank you for coming. Bo," she turned to her bored looking daughter, "aren't you going to say goodbye to Dyson?"_

"_I already did."_

"_Well, do it again." Her voice was honey sweet, it made Bo sick to her stomach,"I think he has something to ask you."_

_The two women in the room shared a look that Bo didn't like. _

_She turned to Dyson who looked a little embarrassed," goodbye." She said shortly._

"_Ysabeu!" Aife sounded appaled._

"_You said to tell him goodbye, I told him goodbye. What more do you want?"_

_Aife sighed and offered the Thornwods endless apologies on behalf of her daughter, assuring them that she was never like this and promising she'l l have a talk with her._

_Imidiately the Thornwoods left, she turned her angry eyes at Bo, "what was that?"_

_Bo shrugged. "I don't like him." She said simply._

_Aife narrowed her eyes, "that's too bad, since you'll be spending a lot of time with him, from now on, seeing as he's your boyfriend."_

_Bo's eyes widened, she opened her mouth to say something but the look in Aife's eyes hushed her, "that my dear, was not a suggestion."_

…

_They were lying on Lauren's bed, Lauren running her fingers through Bo's hair and Bo crying her eyes out._

_The blond was at a loss on what to do._

_Bo had just turned up late for their study date, her eyes red and with no explanations to give other than she absolutely hated her mother._

_Lauren had tried everything she could think of to get Bo to stop crying, nothing was working._

_So she'd figured maybe it was best to just let her cry whatever it was out, when she was ready to talk she would._

_The sobs quieted down after almost an hour and the brunette's eyes looked swollen as she looked into Lauren's eyes._

_The blond wiped some left over strays of tears away, "do you want to talk about it?"_

_Bo shook her head._

_Lauren nodded._

"_Do you want me to tell you atom jokes? I learnt new ones during the conference." She offered politely._

_That made Bo crack a tiny smile in spite of herself, she still shook her head._

_Lauren nodded again and seemed to be thinking. _

_Bo scotted closer._

"_I want to kiss you." She said._

_Lauren's eyes snapped to her, "sorry?"_

"_I want to kiss you." Bo repeated, sure of herself._

"_I-"_

"_You can tell me if you don't want me to,okay?"_

_Lauren nodded, but didn't ay a thing._

_Bo took that permission to kiss her and brought their lips together._

_It was awkward and terrifying and exhilarating all at once. _

_And as Lauren brought her soft hands to cup Bo's teary cheeks, the brunette just knew that no matter what her mother said, what she felt for Lauren was more than attachment._

_So much more._

…_._

Bo drowned another glass of scotch and almost laughed at herself.

God, she was so , so _stupid._

It had been right there, clear as freaking day.

The Sunday movie nights.

The stupid grin Tamsin wore everytime after she'd seen Lauren.

The way she'd looked at her each time Bo mentioned winning Lauren back.

Honestly, short of wearing a freaking sign on her head, Tamsin had given all the signs that she was in love with Lauren.

And Bo had stupidly chosen to ignore them.

She had stupidly told herself that Tamsin, her bestfriend, was someome she could trust.

So Stupid!

She heard the door to the study open and she closed her eyes.

She had told the maids to send everyone home and make sure no one bothered her.

Company was the very last thing she needed right now.

"Ysasbeu? Is that you?"

Fuck, her mother was the very last person she wanted to see at this moment.

"Are you drinking your father's scotch?"

"I really don't want to talk right now, mother."

She poured more scotch into her glass.

Aife frowned.

Her relationship with Bo had never been repaired since that night, years ago.

She honestly doubted it ever would be repaired.

Too much time had passed, too much had happened.

But she was still the girl's mother and she deserved some respect.

"I will not-" she started only to be cut short by Bo banging he glass on the table.

"You know what," the brunette stood up, "I've changed my mind,lets talk."

Aife had never seen her daughter look so angy before, honestly, it was a bit scary.

"Ysabeu-"

"No mother. You wanted to talk, so let's talk. And to start with, let's talk about how you ruined my entire life."

Aife pursed her lips, "I do not like your tone of voice, Ysabeu."

"And I don't like you, mother. In fact, I hate you."

Aife's blood froze, "where is this coming from?"

"It's coming from the fact that I've lost the only person who ever mattered to me and it's all your damn fault!"

Aife was now genuinely puzzeled.

"Dyson broke up with you?"

"Dy-" Bo's eyes grew even more stormy, "you think this is about Dyson?"

"It isn't?"

"Of course it isn't! I don't even like him! I never even wanted to date him and you know it!"

"I thought things were good between you two."

"Good?" Bo took a step towards her mother and unconsciously, Aife took a step back, the girl looked murderous.

"I hate him, mother. Do you know what it's like to be with someone you hate? To feel filthy and vile and violated every time he touches you?"

"Ysabeu-"

"No mother, you wanted to talk, were talking. We're talking about how every damn day I die a little more inside but I have to smile because I'm Bo Dennis. Aife's perfect daughter who has no right to be anything but."

"I- I didn't know that."

Aife said swallowing the lump in her throat, this conversation made her feel like vomiting.

"Of course you didn't. How could you? Everything was going your way and that's all that ever matters to you."

"That's not true. You're my daughter, you're happiness matters to me."

"Really?" she narrowed her eyes, "because it didn't seem like it when I came to you scared and confused and you just made me more scared. God, mother, I was fifteen!"

It suddenly dawned on Aife where all this was coming from, she straightened her back, ready to defend her principals.

She was sure she was right then and she is sure she is still right.

"I couldn't let you fall into sin, Ysabeu."

"What do you mean sin mother? I was in love! I still am."

"What?" She breathed out, completely shocked.

She ha thought it was some stupid sick infatuation.

Some stupid sick infatuation that she had done away with, not love.

"You heard me." Bo said in a strong voice. "I was in love with her then and I am even more in love with her now and I am so tired of hiding it just so you'll keep having your stupid illusion of a perfect family. So there mother, I've said all I had to say, what I should have said years ago. Do your worst."

Then she walked out, Leaving a speechless Aife behind.


	12. Chapter 12

You're all on another level on awesome, honestly.

Sometimes I can't believe you're all reading my story.

Hope this explains why the last chapter happened when it did,Too lazy to sign up.

* * *

><p>Bo did not know where she was headed until she stopped her car across Lauren's house.<p>

She had been furious and relieved and more than a little drunk when she'd left her house and she'd just gotten into her car and drove.

She hadn't planned on coming to Lauren's but now that she was her, she realized that she wanted to be here.

Tonight was a night of saying what exactly she should have said for so long.

Tonight was a night to finally deal with the past and what she and Lauren had done earlier had barely scratched the surface.

There was so much more that needed to be said between them, so much more that Laure deserved to hear.

She took in a huge breath and prepared herself, she could do this.

She had to do this.

….

The door was opened on her third knock by a more than exhausted looking Lauren Lewis who looked more than a little surprised to see the brunette on her door step.

Bo's heart broke on the sight of her.

God, she had messed things up so bad.

"Bo? What are you doing here?"

Her voice sounded even more exhausted than she looked.

Bo steeled her nerves, she had gotten this far, no use turning back now.

"I- I need to talk to you."

"We already talked Bo. There's nothing more to say."

"Yes there is Lauren," so much more, "please, I just need ten minutes."

""Bo.."

"Five then," the brunette insisted.

Lauren sighed. Her brown eyes made it clear that she had taken more than she was willing to take for the night. Still, she wordlessly moved aside and let the brunette in.

Bo breathed out her thanks.

…

The nostalgia that hit Bo immediately she walked into the Lewis household was sort of overwhelming.

She had spent a great part of her childhood in this house.

She had made some of her happiest memories in this house.

She had had her first kiss here.

She had fallen in love here.

"_Take it back"_

_The brunette said as she tickled the blond girl under her._

_Lauren, her brown eyes shining with laughter and tears shook her head stubbornly._

"_I won't stop till you do."_

_Bo warned._

_Neither of them knew exactly how this tickle fest had begun._

_It had something to do with Lauren insisting that they couldn't spend all their time kissing and Bo saying that yes, they could because honestly, what in the world could be better than she and Lauren, on Lauren's bed, kissing the afternoon away?_

_The blond seemed to think that books, books were better than kissing the afternoon away. _

_How Bo refuting that fact had translated into a tickle fest, neither of them knew._

"_Fine, I take it back." Lauren finally laughed out._

_Bo looked down at her. She loved this girl. No matter what her mom said, and the woman said a lot of things, Bo Dennis knew that she was completely in love with this Lauren Lewis._

_She had known that day, two years ago, when they'd kissed, she knew now and somewhere in her mind, she knew she'd know forever._

"_What?"_

_The blond asked, her voice still had traces of laughter in it._

_Bo smiled softly and pushed messy blond hair behind Lauren's ears, "I love you." She said simply._

_Lauren smiled at her adoringly._

_It wasn't the first time those words had been uttered between them but they still held some sort of wonder anytime they came out._

_Maybe it was because sometimes, with Bo's mother and Bo's boyfriend and the fact that sharing Bo wasn't and keeping their relationship a secret wasn't as easy as either of them had thought it would be when they'd decided to give this relationship a try at fifteen._

_Maybe it was because they fought a lot over things that two teenagers weren't even supposed to deal with let alone fight over._

_Probably though, it was because the words were so true. It didn't matter that Bo had a boyfriend who she sometimes kissed, a fact that broke Lauren's heart and seemed to break Bo's too._

_It didn't matter that sometimes Lauren felt it was justified for her to be angry at the whole situation so much that sometimes she avoided Bo for days only for Bo to turn up at her door._

_Confused and hurt and more desperate that it was healthy for one human being to be for another._

_None of it mattered because at the end of the day, they were in love._

_Utterly and completely and because of that, Lauren had once told Bo, she believed they could fight a whole lot of things._

_They were Bo and Lauren, Lauren and Bo. Perfect and meant to be._

_Bo's phone went off, breaking them away from their little world._

"_Hello?.. Oh hey…today? No no, I didn't forget. Yeah, I'll be right there….Ditto."_

_She seemed guilty when she disconnected the call._

_Lauren's whole demeanor changed._

"_Was that him?"_

"_Yeah," Bo said like that was the last word she wanted to be saying at that moment._

_Lauren nodded._

"_Please get off of me."_

"_Lauren-"_

"_Please Bo."The brunette moved from her straddling position on the blond._

_God she hated Dyson._

_Most of their fights were always about him._

_And somehow he always found a way to ruin their special moments._

_Like every Valentine's Day when Bo spent with Lauren but couldn't enjoy completely because they both knew that later she'll be spending it with him too._

_Like after the first time they'd made love and instead of basking in the afterglow, Lauren had made Bo promise that it would never ever happen between she and him._

_Bo had promised. They'd decided that she'll tell him she was a virgin and was waiting to give her virginity away on her wedding night._

_They had laughed a little at their genius, but they both knew the mood had shifted._

_Like it had shifted now._

"_I'm sorry."_

_She didn't know what else to say._

_Lauren just nodded._

_Bo was turning seventeen in a few weeks. Then they'd only have to wait for a year and they'd get to leave this stupid town with its narrow minded people._

_They'd go to the big city and be free and happy and in love._

_She could wait a year._

…

"You said five minutes, Bo."

The blond said pulling Bo back to the present.

"Right," Bo nodded and wrung her hands, she desperately wanted to reach over and take Lauren's hand.

It always calmed her to touch the blond when she was nervous.

But she knew she couldn't.

She had lost that privilege a year ago when she had been stupid and a coward.

…

_It was Bo's birthday and she had spent the night before, as was tradition, at Lauren's._

_She woke up alone in Lauren's bed and frowned as she went in search of the blond._

_Lauren was always there so that she was the first thing Bo saw on her birthday mornings._

_It was odd to wake up alone._

_Her search ended in the Lewis kitchen where she found Lauren and her father putting finishing touches on her birthday cake._

_The brunette's smile was brilliant as watched the blond demand that her father hurry up before Bo woke up._

_The brunette contemplate turning back and heading to back to the room, Lauren clearly wanted to surprise her and Bo hated disappointing the blond._

_She did that enough as it was._

_But before she could turn back Mr. Lewis spotted her and smiled broadly, his brown eyes so much like his daughter's._

"_There's the birthday girl."_

_He said smiling widely at her and opening his arms up for a hug._

_Bo walked to him and hugged him._

_She hadn't seen him in a while; he was almost never around, travelling around the world doing helping people who couldn't afford to find the help themselves._

"_Happy birthday sweetheart," he had watched the brunette grow up, she was like a daughter to him, "I'm glad I got to see you before I left."_

"_Where to this time?" Bo asked pulling away._

"_Namibia," it was Lauren who answered. _

_Bo turned to her girlfriend, he smile supernova,"hey."_

_And suddenly it was like there was o one else in the entire world but the two of them._

"_Hey surprise ruiner."_

"_Sorry." The brunette sounded adorably apologetic._

_Lauren shrugged the apology of and hugged her, "happy seventeenth."_

"_Thank you," they pulled away, Bo resisting the insane urge to kiss her girlfriend. "And thanks for the cake."_

"_I helped bake it," Mr. Lewis made his presence known, a knowing smile on his face._

_Bo and Lauren blushed for some reason, it really was a wonder, given their tendency to get lost in each other, that they'd managed to keep their relationship a secret for so long._

_As they ate the cake, Lauren and Bo stealing glances at each other and Mr. Lewis pretending he wasn't seeing what they were trying really badly to hide, all that was running through Bo's mind was one year._

_One year and she'd be free to love Lauren Lewis the way she deserved to be loved._

_One year._

…

One year, that's how long had passed since she had let things go to utter shit.

…

_Bo entered her house smiling._

_People were running around, making final touches to her birthday party._

_Her mother was somewhere passing orders and her father was talking to Dyson's father, looking all important._

_But all that didn't register in her head._

_She had just had amazing sex with her girlfriend._

'_Early birthday present' Lauren had called it, and had promise more tonight when Bo headed over to the blonds' place._

_She was on cloud nine._

"_Ysabeu," her mother appeared in front of her, "you're late."_

_Bo let the smile slip from her face._

_She had never mastered how exactly she was supposed to look at her mother these days._

_So most o the time she avoided eye contact._

"_I'm here now."_

"_Well hurry up and get ready. The guests will be arriving soon and I will not have you embarrass me."_

_The brunette rolled her eyes and walked to her room._

…

_The party was probably good._

_Bo couldn't tell you._

_She smiled when necessary, mingled in a way that she knew made her mother entirely proud, but none of it registered in her mind._

'_more to come later' Lauren had said._

_God she loved that girl. And when later came, she was going to show her just how much._

…

_Later couldn't come fast enough._

_No, really._

_Between her mother insisting on introducing her to everyone and Dyson acting like they were some sort of married couple, it seemed like this party will never end._

"_You wanna go somewhere with me after this?"_

_He asked in a husky voice._

_Bo scowled, completely disgusted._

"_I told you, Dyson. I'm saving-"_

"_Yeah yeah." He sighed, "I don't think can do this with you anymore, Bo."_

_It was a good thing most people had left and he and the two of them were practically alone on the table they'd occupied._

_Bo didn't think that shock was very attractive on her._

"_What do you mean?"_

_Dyson, for all his annoyingness, had a purpose, he kept Aife from Bo and Bo needed that._

_As long as she was with him, her mother did not follow her every move._

_Losing him would make things very difficult for her._

_Not to mention the fact that Aife had threatened more than once that if she did not put effort into making it work with him she was going to tell her father and that wouldn't down well._

_The man had already started making plans on the numerous businesses that he'd get into with the Thornwoods._

_And if there's one thing Bo knew her father did not appreciate, it was someone disrupting his plans._

"_So, you're saying if I don't sleep with you, you'll break up with me?"_

_He shrugged._

_She felt sick to her stomach._

_She needed air._

…

_Air, was what her mother found her trying to take in._

_She had excused herself from Dyson and found a quiet place to calm herself and talk to Lauren._

_She didn't know what she was going to say to her._

_She just needed to remind herself that there was a reason she was going through all this._

_A bloody good reason._

"_Ysabeu," her mother called, startling her, "what are you doing out here?Dyson is looking for you."_

_This was the very last thing she needed._

"_I need some alone time mother."_

_Aife pursed her lips._

"_Are you fighting with your boyfriend?"_

"_That's none of our business."_

"_Everything about you is my business Ysabeu. Especially if you insist on ruining not only your future but something that will benefit our family greatly."_

_Bo scoffed._

_Nothing her mother said surprised her nowadays._

"_And you might think you're so grown up now. But I swear to God if you ruin this your father and I will cut you off."_

"_You wouldn't. Daddy-"_

"_Listens to me. Ruin this Ysabeu and you'll find out there isn't that many things in the world that I wouldn't and can't do."_

…

_Lauren was worried and a little hurt._

_She had been extremely excited for her night with her girlfriend and it really pained her that Bo hadn't turned up._

_She tried being understanding, Bo's mother, she knew, was sort of a bitch._

_She comforted herself that at least they had spent the morning together._

_Still though, she felt a tad bit hurt._

_Their situation absolutely sucked._

_A knock on the door drew her from her pity party and she smiled in spite of herself._

_Bo was here._

_Her smile fell immediately she saw the brunette._

_She just knew, she didn't even have to ask, he guilty eyes and the trembling lips and the way her whole body seemed to be apologizing let Lauren know that it had happened._

_Her worst nightmare had come true_

_She took a step back, "you didn't."_

"_Baby, I'm so sorry. My mom threatened me and I didn't' know what o do and he was threatening o break up with me and- I'm so fucking sorry."_

_They were both in the house now. _

_Lauren ran her fingers through her hair, "You promised."_

"_I know- I" Bo took a step forward, "It'll never happen again I-"_

"_Yes it will Bo! He's your boyfriend and the excuse you've been giving him is now useless. We both know it will happen again."_

"_Lauren-"_

"_You have to break up with him. I can take it this once, it'll be hard but we- we can work through it. Love you and we can deal with this. But you have to break up with him Bo. You have to.""I-I can't." the brunette said, her mother's words ringing in her ears, "I can't."_

"_Of course you can! I've never asked anything of you Bo. I've always, always understood that things are hard for you I am willing to put up with a lot, I have already put up with so much. But this, this will kill me. Just knowing that he kisses you is too much for me to handle and I'm actually surprised I haven't hurled considering how sick I feel that he touch you like that. He touched you the way only I'm supposed to touch you and it's killing me. I can't- you can't ask me to put up with it for a year Bo. You just can't."_

"_Lauren," she knew she should say more, she just didn't know what to say._

_Everything was just so so fucked up._

"_Please Bo. I need-"she wiped tears away, "I need you to do this for me. You can even find another guy o distract your mom. Someone who'll believe the excuse we came up with. Please."_

"_I can't." The brunette felt her heart break as she said this._

_How could she make Lauren understand her parent's obsession with having her with Dyson when even she didn't understand it?_

"_I'll do everything to make sure he doesn't touch me Lauren. I pro-"_

"_Don't." The blond suddenly sounded cold and Bo panicked._

"_It's only a year Lauren, we can-"_

"_No we can't and, I need you to leave."_

"_You-"_

"_Now Bo. Leave now, Please."_

…

"Bo, if you're not going to say what brought you here then.."

"I'm sorry, Lauren. For everything."

"You already said that."

Bo nodded."I know, but it needs to be said again and again. I hurt you so bad and," God, this was so hard.

Just thinking of Lauren with Tamsin drove Bo out of her mind, she didn't even know how Lauren handled knowing she was with someone else.

She couldn't even justify in her mind anymore how she had expected Lauren to keep putting up with it.

"If you came to repeat what you already said then I think you should just leave Bo."

"I understand that you're angry at me, you have every right to be. I was stupid and scared and a coward and I made so many wrong decisions that ended up hurting you."

"Are you telling me you're not any of those things anymore?" The blond challenged.

Bo shook her head, "No, I'm still scared, I won't lie and say I'm not. But more than anything I'm ready, Lauren. I'm ready to be anything and everything you need me to be. All I need is for you to need me."

"I ," Lauren let out a humorless laugh, "I don't even know what you expect me to say.

"You don't have to say a thing just" she balled her hands to stop herself from wiping away Lauren's tears, "think about it. For as long as you need to."

Lauren furiously wiped away tears and more took their place.

It became too hard for Bo to stop herself and she took a step to the blond who took a step back, "don't. I- I think you should leave." She moved to open the door.

The brunette sighed and rubbed her temples, this night was not going the way she wanted it to.

Her eyes snapped up when she heard her name being called by a voice she honestly did not want to hear.

Tamsin.

Fuck.

…

Fuck!

Honestly, someone somewhere was playing a really huge joke with Tamsin's life and it wasn't appreciated.

Seriously, could this night get any fucking worse?

"Tamsin, what are you doing here?" Lauren wiped stubborn tears away.

"Uh," shock had sobered Tamsin up pretty darn fast.

She looked from the exhausted blond to the incredulous brunette and gulped.

God she needed some sort of escape.

Any sort of escape.

"Tamsin," Lauren prompted.

"I- Uh," fuck! "I think I should go."

Lauren frowned.

She knew Tamsin was here for something, it was ten at night.

You don't show up at someone's door at ten for nothing.

"Tamsin you,"

"No you know what, I'll go. I was leaving anyway." Bo who'd been quietly fuming said, venom in her voice.

Before she left she gave Lauren a longing look that managed to say so much more than Tamsin was able to interpret.

Then she gave Tamsin a disgusted look, one that said she couldn't believe she'd thought of the blond as her friend, "you're unfuckingbelievable," she spat out then stalked away.

If Tamsin wasn't sober before, she sure was sober now.

Her eye moved from the retreating brunette to the blond who seemed to have no fight left in her.

What was she doing here?

Really, what?

"Ta-"

"I can't do this."

That seemed to be her line.

Lauren's tired eyes suddenly seemed angry.

"You can't do this? I have had a day from hell and a night from somewhere beyond that and you turn up at my door, drunk, to tell me you can't do this? Do what, what is it that you can't do Tamsin?"

"I just-"

"No Tamsin, you owe me that much for the stupid mind games you've put me through. You owe me!"

"Love you okay! She yelled then took a deep breath and sighed, "I can't love you."

There, she'd said it, it was out in the universe.


End file.
